Tuesday, March 27, 2007

COME CLEAN!!!!

Well breakups are hard, but u have to do what u have to do. Come Clean I must be real for a second.. I have read over my last bloggings and I do have to admit I come off quite Angry. In real time I have been carrying this energy with me as well, and I dont like the person I have become. I thought I was ready to jump into things again, but I didnt have the time to get away and just think about where My life is going. Picture a Big Black Man pissed off walking around the city, and the city is a Beast!! I went back to meeting people, and if its sex(no emotional attachments)Im fine and have a great time!!! But when it comes to getting to know a Person, I tend to get overly wrapped into "Things', I then lash out on People for simple mistakes, lapses in judgements and things that were out of their control, things happen!! So to the People who read this Blog, Sorry Big Daddy is taking some time off.
Dont worry Im going down South with Family so I will have all the time in the world to make things right. When I took time off before, I came back so refreshed and ready to work and that time was golden. So to my Clients Vacation time!!! My fans Vacation Time. One whole week without a phone, computer and work. Dont worry though, Im Loving doing Porn(that wont change) I dont have drugs or booze problems, Im healthy, I just need some time away from Diesel, Porn, People. Oh to those who email saying that I need some work, when it comes to writing.......... I dont write this as a Piece, I tend to write off the fly(whatever that means)so sometimes I dont have time to Spell check or form my words to ur likings.
Okay I have to really get this off my Chest, Am I gay or Bi? that question comes up over and over. I have said I was Bi(8 or 9 blogs full)and Single. This blog is about coming Clean!!!! Out and Dating:
Dating I find to be sometimes exciting and then sometimes just a fucked up experience. I have never been the dating type. Coming into this Lifestyle, I have had plenty of onetimers, and some repeat, and some to this day are still around. But I say they were Friendships bulit on Sex(meaning the first time I met that person we fucked)and its cool hanging out and try to do the"Dating Thing".
I met A Rising Porn Actor(In other blog it was another Porn Star who just got fat when he used to be skinny). I wasnt familar with his work, cause it was with a Shitty Company. We met and hooked up, the fucking sex rocked and I dont usually say that(picky fucker). I wanted to see more of this kid, he was a performer and had the talent and the looks. Looks except one major flaw, the body. His body needs to be tighter and he is working on it hard. Now this is where the story changes, when U"HookUP" on ur first meeting. There is alot of things that are left out of the convo(like name, where u live, what do ya do for Living??)its usually right to sex. So imagine sitting across the table starting a convo with a guy u dont know, trying to get to know, and all u have is Sex on the Mind!! Confuses the brain sometimes, ur starting backward and I just couldnt get the flow without the sex. What does that mean?? U had really hot sex with a Person who u dont know. Ur in the getting to know each other phase(I guess)and Ur true Personalities Clashes. When Ur naked, U click like animals and the sex is hot and intense. But u Fight like Dogs and Cats and Clash when u speak to each other???? I would say just keep Fucking and have little to no, conversations. But the tide changed, and this Rising Star was more interested in getting to know each other, and wanted to hold off on the Fun part(was too tired from the gym to play). Then Tides changed even more, being witty and clever he started convos with"Since we are working out together, Do Ya expect me always to play with ya after the Gym??" My brain was saying"Hell Fucking Ya!!, What U think!!, Every Fucking Day!!" Since this wasnt a Fuck ya Dump ya thing. I stated"We dont always have to fuck man but Ur giving me Ideas" All down hill from there, the sex was hot and then u take it away from Daddy. Its like giving the Dog a Fresh Tbone steak, and then next day U give him Kibbles and Bits Ur dog is going to look at ya and be like "Okay this is what ur giving me today" So needless to say, I was alittle pissed and took some anger out on him, when he didnt deserve it. So I have to Come Clean.
Well On a interesting note there is Story on me in the New York Times(well two days ago) I like good attention and here is some good attention http://www.nytimes.com/2007/03/25/nyregion/thecity/25gay.html?pagewanted=1&_r=3 where they write about me is on page 3. So I get away for a week and still leave ya something to read about me. Cause Im not leaving for good its just a Week is all.

Monday, March 26, 2007

BAD WEEKEND BLACK PARTY

Well lets start at the Black Party, Geez what a fucking mess!!! Same Shit all the time, a bunch of drugged out Queens running around in the Club, sucking cock, taking loads in the ass(Yes Sir!!!)and acting a fool. Now I was alittle worried about the Black Party this weekend, I dont know I always get nervous when I perform. And yes I performed as well, well lets get started shall we??:
Now I wind up going to the Black Party around 2am, I was too busy running around that whole weekenddoing my Parttime Job as Escort. Now when I get to the club, Im dressed in Leather Coat, Vest, Tshirt all Black, and then wearing the standard Camo Pants as my lower body wear. Lines are long and I hate waiting around to get inside, But Titan had made arrangements for "Us" to join the party and have some Fun. When I come through the door, I head for Performers entrance. I was met at the desk, by the Stage manager who immediately escorted me upstairs. Now usual when U go into the Performers Area, theres alot of Sex going on Back Stage. I walk through the door, First thing I see Is some little Twinky boy getting deep fisted backstage. Now I know I might be cocky and alittle Overconfident, but I have a funny trait that I like doing. People always seem to Stiffen Up whenever I walk into a Room(not dick hard fuckers)somewhat scared like Im going to do something... I would think by now People would Know If Im in the Performers Area then I must be perorming. So anyway, I walk into the Room seeing this boy getting fisted, I sit down on the couch that they have in the Back Room and just watch, Now watching, I see that people are uneasy that a "New" person is in the room(Who Knows It might me being 6'6 245lbs with a mean face on.) So everybody starts getting dressed, pulling cock out of their asses and mouths. Then the worst thing happens, people start having conversations getting to know each other. I was damn, as soon as I come into a room and people are having sex, getting fisted and fucked, but get all pussy when I come into a room??? Thats Fucking Funny!!
I have learned through the Years, when Ur a Performer, u have to get into ur zone and get ready to Perform. Some like to be alone, some like to listen to thier IPods(whatever). I had to load up on water(Oh yes) and check out the stage. I heard this time on stage they had like a ready made Fisting Swing and some other Devices. I saw some familiar faces in the Back, FetishLads www.fetishlads.com , Jake Deckard, Dean Flynn(Titan Brother was fooling around with him after the Show) other People who I have seen at Various Parties. I gave them their time so I stepped out to check out stage. Yup Fisting Equipment, and BlackHardwood everything for a good show. I returned to the Back Room this time shirtless and ready for action. I was recieved warmly in the backroom this time, and blessed to have three guys servicing me. I had one boy sucking on my right ball, the other one sucking my dick, and the other one sucking my left ball(picture that!!). Stage Time:
I decided to go on Stage when I was ready and then joined some Performance Group that was tying some guy down with Duck Tape and Suspending him. We all know the routine, they have to Prep him and Wrap him in Tape(which takes forever) and some of the other guys wanted to get on Stage and dance. So I sat at the end of stage waiting for everybody to get on stage. Now the Stage Manager is telling me that the Shows have been hot. But they have been missing some really Freaky shit and Dominating Spirit to handle the crowd. So on stage, U have four guys working on prepping some slave with Ducktape and three guys dancing around on stage. On Stage some of the boys were from www.Mindfetish.com (Whats Up Fellas) I sat there talking to Stage manager and he asks"So What are Ya doing on Stage Diesel??" I said probably some Pissplay. He was like "Why dont Ya get on Stage??? Make this Crowd Wild!!! Just go on Stage and Start Pissing on Everybody" I was like Bet!!!! I had to piss and loaded up on 8 bottles of water so I was geared and ready. I started pissing on the dancers, and then the guys working on the boy on Stage(at this point I didnt give a Fuck I started pissing into Crowd, unlike Las Vegas U can show cock, ass, fuck on stage, Fist whatever) Some of the Other Performers started to take the stage. Jake Deckard(StallionMan)comes on stage and starts pissing on me!!! He shot out a couple of drops of piss(drops!!) I hose him down like he was on Fire!!!! The Crowd starts yelling Piss War Piss War!!! Sorry Jake, U thought u was big Man, U see me on stage just not giving a fuck and pissing on people. U then jump on stage, and want to piss on me, Fine!!! He should have realized I was working with 8 bottles of water. He had to kneel there, and wait for me to empty my Bladder, he was totally drowned in piss. Now this stage, has seen alot of Action that night. So saying the Stage was a mess was a understatement. I was done, I proved my point and had fun doing it. I got off stage and headed for back room, there I washed abit(keeping my armpits like smelly weapons)and just relaxed. The Back room was packed now!!! All types of things were happening in the back. I cant remember everything that happened but all I can remember there were alot of asses, alot of condoms, tubes of lube, rubber gloves, belts, whips chains etc etc. I was hanging out with Damien Crosse, and his Bf Angelo great guys and just dancing and crowd watching.
Details Details the party was wild everything U think that could happen probably did!! Guys getting fucked in Toliets and the Dance floor. One guy even took a shit on the dance floor!! People I dont make this shit up, back rooms, Dark rooms and nasty boys. I cant even think about going into a dark room(no offense to the Night creatures) but I like to see the person that my dick is going into!! Such a wild night, way way too long of a night!!! No pics I didnt bring my camera and I think that was the best idea. Everybody was so cracked out and drugged up!! I was good to Party I had three drinks(free of course)and was buzzed. I dont drink like I did in San Fran anymore, was so tired and sick the next day.. So that is all I have to post today, I want to talk about some things in next blog.
I been been harsh and immature lately and just not happy to be around nowadays. All I can say people bear with me. Im still dealing with issues concerning breakup, one thing to be involved with a person for 4 years, another thing to settle business(getting clothes back, dividing up things that we bought together, bank accounts, living arrangements etc etc) Its taking me a long time to"Finish Things" So bear with me people. I have hurt some people lately by me being Immature and Lashing out. More in the Next blog

Thursday, March 22, 2007

HATER ALL OF US ARE HATERS!!! THE FACTS

"Live In Haters" They are a strange Breed, that get ya comfortable and laided back and chilling with a drink of soda and eating some fast food and u get comfortable just laying there and watching TV. U become a Fat Fuck!!!! Plain and simple, U start eating popcorn and chips, and then the dip, sit back with a Philly Cheese Steak(for later)and watch TV U get relaxed, chilled out, just laying there and being a fat, chubby, dead weight. Sounds mean, fucked up, but its the truth, ur better half, soul mate, Bf, Lover(Whatever they have going on)is porking ya up so u cant do porn work, thats fucked up. How Are ya going to be Lean and Ripped OnUr Box Cover and then in real Life U have the Fully Packed Tire????, Well thats alittle Harsh, lets say it was the size Of a spare Tire for a Mini(that little British Shit)not a good look. Hater!!! Hater!!!Alert. They are Ur Loved ones that have ur best interest in Heart, They want Ur life to Advance "Outside of Just Looks"so they cleverly pick thier attacks, Shove food down ur throat(Done with Skill, as in handfeeding those Daggers of Fat to ya, spoons of ice cream, Nacho chips, Donuts etc etc..) Saying They are tired and want to stay In, Order out, all smiles just watching ya eat and eat, snacking on this on that. U Greedy Bastard!!!!! U fell for the Trap. ALL I CAN SAY TO HIM IF UR READING THIS!!! GET OFF THE COUCH MAN!!!!STOP LETTING HIM WIN!!! U have to Fight For Ya Right. U need to get ur ass inshape and get ready to Lay on ur Back and get those Cheeks Ready for a Pounding!!!! U know Better than that!!!
There are Silent Haters, the ones that Hate ya from Afar. They see ya, but never say anyting to ya. They Fly by just spitting vemon when Ur Back is turned. They Cast a Spell over people by Saying Hes Nice and All but alittle to Aggressive for Me!!! Of Course Typical Reaction: "Whatta Ya Mean????" "Well I heard Hes Kinda of Rough on People." Another Typical Reaction: "What U mean he Beats Them Up???" "Im not saying that, Just that he is Big and All and If something should Happen It will be Hard to Fight against him" Simple Scary Hating!!!! The Fear of the Unknown, Made them have Second Thoughts about Me. Very Smart Mister Silent Hater......
THEY ARE EVEN MORE HATERS STAY TUNED......

Monday, March 19, 2007

BLACK PARTY WEEKEND





Okay the Black party is coming up and Im going. YES YES YES Im going!!! I have been getting alot of emails asking if Im going to the Black Party this year so for all boys going I will be there. Now there is another party that is going on and I might have to go to that one cause I will be performing there with some other stars but Im not saying anything but details or any of that shit cause its not final yet. Other than that I have been just hanging out and working hard at the gym and doing my Thing. There are some other postings for me on www.Fleshbot.com http://fleshbot.com/sex/gay/dvd-titans-crossing-the-line-cop-shack-2-244307.php A very nice piece by my friend at Flesbot glad that we can connect and stuff(thats always a plus). But I guess I came online to talk about my week which was very interesting.

I started the week normally, gotta get up and go to work and stuff, I checked my email before leaving the house and talked to a new friend. Now what I mean about new friend, He was a pornstar himself and we "Connected"(or whatever that means). Good Kid, now I name names but in this case I cant!!! To be real, hes a cool kid but he let himself go alittle(we all have Our moments and stuff)and hes a cool cat, so Im a Personal Train I thought I could whip him back into shape. Now all u guys have dirty minds, yeah u probably think I fucked him, wore him out, and had him passed out on the bed from being beat up...... And U would be correct, but I also took him to the gym, showed him the ropes. And it was a good experience for him to know that he fell off alittle, packed on some bad wieght, but it can be easily corrected. I shouldnt really give a fuck about another Pornstar who let himself(GOT WORRY ABOUT UR OWN).!!! But He has a promising job, and really only does it for fun and extra cash. So besides the Ass why did I do it?? Cause....... Im a Nice guy really, If A Hottie falls from Grace, Shouldnt we be there to help him out??????. Shit people!!! U think being a Pornstar comes with a 401K????and we have Health and Dental plans??????UMMMM NO!!! We are Performers and we have to do Our own Upkeep. If I break my leg, I cant work(how the Hell will I be able to Fuck someone????Well I could figure that one out LOL)and if U cant work u cant perform meaning U dont get paided.

I watched his work, and was impressed(looking from stand point as a Performer)he worked hard in his scene and his body language and mannerisms were good for the scene. So what he put some pounds on, it wasnt that bad, but being Pornstars we have to look Extra Sharp, Extra Ripped, If u want to Stand out in this Business that is. And sometimes u get depressed when U see urself in a movie when u was Ripped with a Smoking Hot body and then U relaxed abit.. It hits twice as hard cause the Fans Will Tell ya when u have gained wieght or falling from Grace I call it. In any case, he was cool and worked out hard and did his thing. But always with the Good comes the Bad. Bad business, When Ur not handling Ur business.!!! and he had his own issues. Not drugs, not the time, or energy and had the desire and drive. He had a Hater on his side he was Living with his Hater, His Bf he hated that he was in the business. Just made things hard, thats why he got fat cause his Bf was pumping him up so he would lose his looks.. That is a Big Time Hater, u was doing the business before u met him, and now he wants ya to quit. But the Lazy Mother is not bringing any money to the table. I hate Haters and it was Bad to see what A Hater did to a Rising Star!!! I will continue Later!!!!!

Monday, March 12, 2007

OKAY OKAY IS ENOUGH

Since coming into the business I have had a great time so far. The porn thing is cool, and Im still getting over the fact that I get recognized all the time. Yeah I know, that sounds cocky and full myself yeah I know. But come on, Im 6'6 and 245lbs so I stand out like a sore thumb, and it doesnt help that they arent many Black Performers in this business as well. So for the Fans out there, I can be a dick sometimes yes I can!!!!!. I used to be on the other side of things and see my favorite porn stars out and about, and used to talk to them for a response. Most of the responses have been positive(some even want me to fuck them)and some not so nice. I realize Now!!!, that some people can have a Off day and really dont want to be bothered. Doing the business myself has opened my eyes, so maybe I can unfairly judge people cause of a bad day. So I have to be honest, Lately I have been alittle harsh on some Fans(cause of Breakup)and maybe they dont read my blog to know what Im going through. For that I will say "SORRY", I know how it is. U see ur favorite porn star out and about, and u have watched their movies and read their blog. U feel that u know the person, and u want to say hello or have conversation, and sometimes they cant be bothered or just want to be left alone. We then assume they think They are "Hot Shit" and Concieted(writing off the fly, I before E except after C I dont knowLOL) Fucks. Lets be Realistic, Porn stars have to have a "Certain"image" around people.
We live in a Culture that likes to "Idol Worship" lets be real. That is not a reference to Religion, Politics, Material things(although it applys)Im just talking about Entertainment. We bulid up the People in Entertainment cause of their Talent, Looks, Skill, Hard Work, with that comes Fame, Money, VIP treatment. We hold them To a Higher Level(wheter RockStar or Pornostar)and think they have it all and U want to live the Lifestyle they are(Money Wise, SexLife, at least a day in their shoes)its exciting, all the attention and drama. With that success comes the Haters, the People who Use ya, the People who Love Ya, and all that gray space that is in the middle of that. The Curse of that "Idol Worship" is that we always have to be"ON"(ie Look at me!!!!my real name isnt Diesel, honestly my Close Friends call me.......LOL)and we always have to "Look Ur Best" The Body has to be Right, Face, Attitude, Walk, Voice etc etc.. Thats the Easy part for me, cause Im always on point!! What worries me though, we are quick to bulid them up but even quicker to "Tear Them Down"(ie Michael Jackson, Janet Jackson, Britney Spears, Tom Cruise etc etc). So this was my Humble Start http://dieselwashington.blogspot.com/2005/12/it-has-just-started.html wow Dec 2005!!!! Have I been writing this blog that long???? Wow!! Now some are probably reading this for the first time(I dont Blame ya!! alot to read). U see I misspelled words there as well in that older blog. This is where I changed my body to get ready for Porn http://dieselwashington.blogspot.com/2006/06/okay-this-is-funny.html I cant believe I had that fucking gut!!! People its funny reading over ur own shit!! and seeing the change before ur eyes(thats why I started this Blog). My First Time at Hustlaball 2006 http://dieselwashington.blogspot.com/2006/01/hustlaball-review.html and more Hustlaball 2006 http://dieselwashington.blogspot.com/2006/01/main-stage-hustlaball.html. Fuck since then things have changed Im signed to Titan Now!! Anton Harri is signed to Colt. Ricky is doing his thing in Las Vegas and still working his magic in movies, Tony Bishop still performs in Europe, Fox still escorts in Nyc. And Hustlaball 2006 is where I first met Howard from www.Fabscout.com (his site is new and improved great look) Steven from www.Pinkmafia.com (My first Fan/Reviewer whats up Man!!!) Also I had some bad times http://dieselwashington.blogspot.com/2006/04/okay-okay-okay-okay-okay-im-back.html moving on........
My First blog where I talked so much shit about Fucking FUCKING FUCKING.........FUCKING I have to admit I was a cocky motherfucker in that blog, But come on fellas/girls Can I Fuck or What!!!!! I told ya I was a Hard Fucking Machine http://dieselwashington.blogspot.com/2006/05/rumor-has-it-well-that-rumor-is-full.html Now since it has passed to Light and the movies are out. All I have to say is "Folsom Filth" if I didnt back up every word I said then I was full of shit(NOT!!!!!!)
My First Time being discovered by Titan http://dieselwashington.blogspot.com/2006/06/finally-wait-is-over.html great times great times.
Folsom Filth, this was such a good blog to write, I didnt know it then, but that movie "Put Diesel Washington on the Raydar" http://dieselwashington.blogspot.com/2006/09/folsom-filth-hardcore-for-ur-ass.html and reading over that I was so blind back then wow what a Year!!!
Im asked in emails what was my favorite blog???? hmmmmm my best blogs were Money Hungry Dogs http://dieselwashington.blogspot.com/2006/11/money-hungry-dogs.html this blog was important cause People opened their eyes and really took notice of me. Its the truth people!!!! And probably the Las Vegas Trip, I really enjoyed remembering it all http://dieselwashington.blogspot.com/2007/01/all-dirty-from-las-vegas.html Wow What a Rush!!!
So again if ur reading this for the First Time, no I didnt just jump into the Scene overnight. I worked hard to get to this spot right now. And no its not going to Last Forever!!! Thats why U save every dime now while its hot. And keep pushing to do more and more. So this blog started by talking about how People bulid ya up to tear ya down. So Im still new to this Game, Wonder when U will start taking me down(probably never, but u dont know in this business, when people get tired of seeing ya its time to go) So dont mind some Porn stars, we all have "Off Days" but give us a Second chance. We are all not Cunts like Ben Andrews(for u Size Queens) and Omer(Hot little boy with bubble ass) where we have to play "Movie Star" even when ur around other PornStars. I mean Act Pretty when the camera is on or when the Press is around, but bring that Fake bullshit to me, Im not having it. I tell it like it is People, no hate there just being honest. Thanks for reading, Now get the fuck outta here and go fuck or something!!!??!!

Sunday, March 11, 2007

SUCH FUN SUCH FUN




Anonymous said...
Diesel.. Im throwing no shade, but what do you expect. You can't be serious about a relationship. I mean when I read your blog its sounds like you are the perfect partner and then I had to snap out of it.. your a porn star. you can't be faithful to one person. you are the epitome of filth. Sure you look good on the outside, but you are a disgrace to the African American Race. You are a disgrace to your entire family. Going to PORN AWARD SHOWS and you thinks thats cute..Out of all the opportunities life has to offer you chose to be a porn star. So answer this you think its cool to lick and slop on dicks and think its OK to go home to a partner and think everything is ok.. thats crazy. you will never amount to nothing.. next you will be so desperate you will start doing RAW PORN and then you will be another dead brother.. cause those white people feeding you a few coins here and there don't give a shit about you..

Okay I thought I would start this blog with the daily Hate Mail I get. Thanks for spending the time to write this Hate piece, thanks for watching my movies, to know that I "SLOP" on cocks(LOL). Im a disgrace to the African American Race(So funny Hes even PC about it, African American LOL Here all this time I thought I was Black LOL). Disgrace to my family even.!!(Considering Im the Second person on Fathers Side of the Family to go to college and get my degree)how could I disgrace them so badly the nerve of me lol. I will never do Raw Porn period.
Now mind ya the person who wrote this message was "Anonymous" so they didnt even have balls to leave their name so basically more hate thrown my way for whatever reason.
The support that People have shown me was a real nice change. From the usual, Ur hot and I want to suck ur dick thing. In any case, I needed to go out and have some fun, so I called up Damien Crosse and Angelo and met with them just to unwind and have some fun for a change. Roxy was closing their doors for the Last time, so It was a Must to go and have one last dance there. We all met up at Roxy and it was great!!! Also on hand was Darius Falke just landed from Germany. I missed this guy, we all had a great Blast at Roxy. Fans were very nice and I was being recognized the whole night and people were wishing me well in the industry. How cool is that? I had the best time, and it was great to hangout with People who u like, get along with, and enjoy their company. Big shoutout to the boys at www.MindFetish.com I saw u guys there and we danced all night. Thanks for the support and much success to ya guys in the Leather Bedding ur a bunch of nasty pigs and love the fact that u guys Love a Dirty Pit shoved in ur Face. Bye Roxy u will be missed u was the only club that I went to to have some fun and dance the night away.
Moving on .....the reviwes are in, and Boiler is another hit to add to the growing List. Check out the review of Boiler at www.Mannet.com. So there u have it people, timing is strange for me right now so lets see what happens in the future. Things can only go up from here(shit Im at the bottom)so hopefully in the next couple of days I will be back on track


Friday, March 09, 2007

BAD TIMES BAD TIMES

Well, not much to say for the Title it means what it says. Ever since I came back from the Gayvn awards Life has pretty much sucked. How so??? Since I opened my big mouth talking about my relationship. Things have went down hill since then, hence Im no more longer in that relationship right now, and we both are hating each other at this point. What happened???? Without going into the details, we just have grown apart and things have changed for the worse. So for the past weeks, I havent left my bed and sit in my house everyday just watching Tv and trying to put the pieces together.
Am I sad??? Not really Im at the stage right now when I have to move on and get my Life back on track. My problems were doubled last week, cause I had the Flu and really didnt have the energy to do anything. So to those people, who noticed that my phone was off. I had service shut down cause there was just too many things going on at the same time. So there I was sitting in my house, sick as a dog and feeling like shit cause of the breakup. Dark Times, I couldnt really explain what was going on with me. One min Im riding high and loving Life and the next min, Im so low to the ground I could just die.
So I had to take some time off from Escorting, Shows, and generally I didnt want to be around People. When Im upset, I carry this negative energy with me and just make people feel either uncomfortable or nervous around me. To my Ex(cause they read my blog) I really loved ya. But after 4years I shouldnt have to teach ya How to Love me.. Thanks for supporting me all these years. U was there for my Grandmoms death, u stuck with me through thick and thin back then. But when we started this relationship, I had to teach ya how to be affectionate. I had to teach ya How to Love another Human Being. I had to teach ya How to speak with ur Heart rather than ur Brain. There are Certain things that I shouldnt have to teach ya, they should be there. We both did things to each other that were not Nice. Maybe I was Lieing to myself the past year and we were just going through the motions of a relationship that was already over!!! Who knows??? I wish I could be ur Friend at this point, but I cant!! I have to let ya go and experience Life on ur own Terms now. Love can turn to Hate(that is this case)and right now I Hate ya!!!. I have to tell myself to Hate ya cause Ur Living ur Life right now dangerously. U have no self control and no self respect. U play on my Weakness and use it against me, U have proved time after time that U are a Liar!!!! I love ya for taking me when I was at the lowest point of my Life and shining Light on me. But I hate ya for what ur becoming, Ur actin selfish, controlling and childish. I will no longer take the blame for Ur "Problems". Ur smart, witty, and enjoyable when we are around people. But that is a Front and its Fake, u dont respect Me or Urself. U once were the Love of my Life, but now U are my Foe. Ur actions are Toxic to me and I dont want to be around ya anymore.
So there u have it people, thats why I have been MIA for the past couple of weeks. Sick from Flu and Sick from Heart break. But.......... IM BACK NOW!!!!!!!!
If I didnt go to the gym everyday and workout this anger, I think I would have hurt somebody or myself. There u go people, finally some real emotion coming out of me. Im not Speaking as Diesel, Im speaking Like Someone who got his Heart Broken .