Tuesday, November 16, 2010

WHERE DOES THE ANGER COME FROM??

Okay....


I know the readers and fans of the blog are getting tired of hearing me push the race issue in porn. It seems that I have been on the attack alot lately, and there is a reason for that.

I'm a porn performer by the name of Diesel Washington, and I love this industry! Despite all the name calling and finger pointing I really do love this business. This is the back story:

This is the tricky part, when I first came in the business I wanted to prove something to myself, that I could be as popular(or more popular)then some of my white counterparts. I was the guy that was tired of seeing black models playing the same part over and over. The only images that were around was that of the Thugs smoking weed in the projects, and fucking in the hood. Basically every title of the VHS tapes(back then)either had the words Thug/Ghetto/Homeboys and of course Black something in the text. I got so tired of that shit!!

Instead of bitch and complain, I took matters in my own hand and created Diesel Washington. I planned out an attack step by step to take this industry by storm.
Here are the steps:

Get my body in super shape that the Studios/Sites had to take notice of me.

Study each Studio and find out what their core audience was(Bear types, Older males, fetish crowd bah bah)

Get familiar with all the popular directors and study their film style. For example, Brian Mills(Titan) is a master with lighting and shadows, Joe Gage(Titan) is more into the closeups and cut aways of the models, building tension between the models, Bruce Cam(Titan) known more for his landscapes, location shots.

Come into the industry with an open mind, be willing to try new things and expand your sexuality.

Develop your "persona" or "character", but at the same time stay true to yourself and your ideals.

I knew the road for Diesel Washington would be a hard one, so I prepared myself to work twice as hard as the next model.

Know your strengths and weaknesses, any part of the game that your weak in, fix it or hide it the best you can.

Be prepared to carry a stigma, long after your finished with the porn industry. Most people do not think about this after their porn career. I thought about it at the start...

You better be 100% committed to this business, because anything less than 100% is not good enough(that is my opinion)


So these are things I took in account before I even filmed my first scene. To attain the goals I had set for myself, I would have to work my ass off(that comes with everything in life)so I mentally prepared myself for the worst since Day 1.

Before I started with my career, I came up with the idea to start a diary to chart my progress. I thought it was a good idea, to have something where fans could see my humble start in becoming a World famous porn star. I never thought that my little blog would become this "Thing" it is today.

Since Day 1 starting this porn career, I would get Hate email from people trying to tear me down, or steer me off course. Some of the Hate email from back then were like this:

"You will never make it in the porn business, nobody likes Blacks"

"You will only be big in the Thug porn circuit"

"The white audience will never accept you, They don't like Niggers"

"Your looks will limit you in the business, you only appeal to a certain audience"

Before I filmed my first scene, I was already getting Hate email. I ignored it and kept pushing forward. After some failed attempts to get into the business, I was ready to quit, maybe the haters were right!!!

One last try, I killed myself in the gym and put all my cards on the table. I was not going to quit, I had something to prove to myself. The haters were not going to stop me, in fact they gave me the energy to keep trying and trying.

Then I got that email from Titan that changed my life, they wanted to use me for a feature and that was the opening I needed. When I did my first scene for Titan, I was signed on the spot. THANK GOD!! Now I can put my plan into action.

My Model goals:

To be signed with a big studio. accomplished

I wanted to be a breakout star, I didn't want to be a scene filler or a background model. It was hard for Me, in my first roles with Titan I was a plug in for every threesome or group scene. My first movie was "Hitch" and it was a threesome, I figured that Titan didn't know how to market me at the time so I took to my blog and gave Diesel Washington a personality. Truth be known, Titan didn't want Diesel to have a blog, they wanted my character to be a mystery, I knew better and kept my blog.

Titan was working on a huge project with the Folsom Fair people, and this was my time to shine. It was a leather movie and it was geared for the fetish crowd, that was my chance to give a performance that would shock people!! I came in the best shape of my life, open minded to anything. I wanted to blow the socks off the director, and I gave all the energy I could in my scene. It was a four way and I knew I had to stand out in that scene or be forever lost in doing threesomes and group scenes. I had something to prove to myself and Titan, I had the raw talent but would the audience accept the Diesel Washington character, I even asked myself this.

That project was "Folsom Filth" it debuted at Folsom Fair 2006, and it became my breakout role and it was a instant classic.

Back on my blog, I broke the news that I was signed to Titan Media. The hate email came flooding in, and I couldn't keep up with it all. This time the hate email was even stronger and more personal.

"You won't make it, your Titans black bitch"

"The only reason they signed you was because they needed a Token black"

"You won't go far, your a Dred Scott wannabee"

"Titan is just going to use you and then throw you away like the black trash you are"

I kept ignoring the hate email, and kept working on my craft. Nothing was going to stop me, I had the plan and I was just going to stick to the plan and not worry about the haters.

By 2007, "Hitch" "Folsom filth" "Cop Shack 2" were released and I was becoming popular within the Industry. Titan wanted to signed Me again and I accepted, in my second year I wanted to make to Porn history. I was known for my aggressive performances and balls to the wall intensity. But I wanted to go further and do things that people never seen before.

Back on the blog, I was getting attacked(hate email) even more now and it started getting way too personal for me. Emails were coming in like this:

"Diesel your nothing but a black stereotype"

"Diesel your White boy crazy, and your disrespecting your community"

"Diesel is suffering from selfhatered, and he doesn't like his own kind"

"Diesel your nothing but the White man's bitch"


I had only three movies under my belt, and I was being called "White boy crazy". People didn't understand I didn't have control over who were my scene partners. In fact it was hard casting models to co star with me. Alot of models were not into black guys, some models couldn't take the pounding or the aggressive style. At the same time I was getting tired of doing threesomes and group scenes. All the scenes I shot so far were threesomes or group scenes. I got the feeling that Titan didn't know how market me, and the Diesel character was not selling as it should. I had no way of knowing was I a popular star or not. I was getting alot of attention but was I selling???. At the 2007 GayVns and 2007 Grabbys I was nominated for Best Newcomer. sadly I didn't win but I was nominated.

Then came "Boiler" my first duo scene, I was ready for it. I wanted a performance that would open peoples eyes, no more getting lost in a group scene or waiting for my turn with a bottom in a scene. It was a good scene and I thought I was making progress.

"Boiler" was filmed late 2006, then I was benched on the sidelines for seven months. Here I was an exclusive model and I did without work for seven months. I sat on the bench while other models were working and working. I was given the excuse that I wasn't right for this movie or that movie. I was eager to perform and shoot some content, but still I thought Titan knew best and I sat on bench patiently waiting for my turn.

Back on the blog, I used the downtime to promote myself. I started doing youtubes and writing more personal stories, I did not want to be forgotten so I took to my blog and became an avid self promoter. Hate email kept pouring in, and I distanced myself from the bullshit and kept pushing. Now the emails were reading:

"Diesel your disgusting, pissing on guys your trash"

"How could you do scenes like that, you make African Americans look bad"

"Black Mandingo fucker"

"Bobby Blake Wannabee
"

Finally I got the call from Titan, and it was for another big movie in the Folsom line. "Folsom Fear" and in the scene I was going to be paired with Francois Sagat, finally!! I wanted to work with him so bad, but it never worked out until now. The only problem with the scene was it was five man scene(now I felt I was going backwards)I took the role and I had to make sure that I stood out in the scene. I did this crazy water sports scene and pulled out a killer performance. It was a rape scene, so again I came with this overly aggressive style and performed my ass off. After "Fear" I filmed one duo scene for "Telescope" and that was the debut of the "Bully" position. I then filmed "Breakers" which was another threesome, I wanted the work so I didn't complain. And then I filmed another threesome(Geez)for the Telescope movie which was my over the top, double fisting and double footing(while peeing into my mouth at same time)I waited for my chance to shine. I gave two of the strongest performances in that "Telescope" movie, and I was promised that "Telescope" was my movie. ***When I was filming "Telescope" I was asked if I wanted to be apart of the Folsom Fair poster for 2008, I jumped at the chance it was for charity and it gave me the opportunity to add a Man of color to the poster. I was honored to be asked and I gave my time and energy to help out a good cause.***

Remember that because its important...

Now its 2008, I was invited to be a speaker at the Gay porn summit and speak on the panel. On the panel was Steven cruz, Howard from Fabscout, Chi Chi, Chris Ward, Jason Ridge, and M.L. all talking about the issues that we face in the porn industry. I went into detail about the lack of Diversity in the Industry, I even went head to head with M.L. some people probably forget that I was on that panel pushing hard for Diversity, but I was there!!! At the same time I was upset that I was not nominated for a 2008 GayVn, but it was okay I was there to party and at least I had a chance to get out the message for more diversity in front of my peers.



It's now March 2008 and I'm waiting for my movie "Telescope" to drop. I was excited, this was the first movie I did when I was the main character and story revolved around me. Oddly enough when "Telescope" was released I was in San Fran filming "Folsom Prison" at the same time. When I took a look at the cover of "MY" movie, I was standing to the right side of Rick Van Sant and it appeared that this was "His" movie. I was pissed!! I mean I lost it!!! I was angry upset and I felt that I was lied to. I sat on the bench for seven months without working watching all the other exclusives get role after role, and this movie was "promised" to me.

Now here I am in San Fran filming "Folsom Prison" I had a long sit down talk with
Brian Mills, I delayed filming my scene for at least two hours that day. I finally got over the issue and we filmed my scene for "Folsom Prison". I have to give a back story to that:

When I was told I would be filming a prison scene, my warning light went Danger Danger!! Back on my blog I was being called a Dred Scott wannabee(Remember?) When I heard I would be filming a prison scene, the first thing that popped into my head, "How is Diesel going to compete with the scene Dred Scott had in "Slammer" that is a classic!" Secondly I knew the African American community would have a field day with me, saying "Look at Diesel Washington, why does he have to pay a black guy that is locked up?" So I had to sit down and really think about the scene and the effect it would have on the African American community. It was another threesome(yes another one)with Bjorn Giger and Markus Ram. I emailed Brian Mills asking if I could write the "Treatment" for the scene, after some back and forth I got the green light. At first the scene was going to be Diesel and Markus Ram double teaming Bjorn Giger. I was like my name is going on this project, and I was not going to stand in the shadow of Dred Scott any longer. His role in "Slammer" was a classic and I wanted to do better. I wrote the treatment that the Diesel character was wrongly convicted and was about to be released from prison. Markus and Bjorn were to play sadistic guards that wanted to teach me a lesson. I put my body on the line and wrote the scene that I was to be tied up and worked over and pissed on, but somehow I would escape and have my revenge on the guards. It worked out well and turned into a big hit!! It was also the first time I was paired with another black model, something I was happy with.

Back on the blog, the haters lashed out at me again:

"Diesel even though you did a scene with a black model, your still "White boy crazy"

"Markus Ram is not black, he is whiter than you"

"You finally do a scene with another black model, why did it have to be so aggressive??"

"Even though u did a scene with a black guy, you didn't kiss him, or make out with him why is that??"


That is another reason why I'm so angry, people saying I'm only into white guys. I keep saying over and over I'm into all types!! Geez!!At the same time what does the type of guy I'm into, have to do with my porn career?? And according to the type of guy I'm into, that effects the fans decision wheter to like me or not? I never understood that?

I can never make the fans happy, they always have complaints about this or that. At the same time, I tried to not let the "Telescope" cover eat me alive. The more I looked around online, and the more I got pissed. Titan was selling the movie as "Telescope" starring Rick Van Sant, Fransico Sagat, Damien Crosse and Diesel Washington....

I flipped!!! I couldn't take it anymore, I wrote a post about the "Telescope" cover saying I was suppose to be front and center because it was my movie and I was upset that I was not. TheSword picked up my story and ran with it. Well Titan didn't like the story that theSword ran about the "Telescope" cover, but soon after all the blogs picked up the story about the "Telescope" cover and without knowing it, I got that movie huge press and it sold like hot cakes. Story Here

The after effects of me writing that post, were not so good. Yes it brought alot of attention to the movie and the scenes, at the same time Titan was pissed at me that I aired the "Dirty Laundry" so much that:

Titan didn't want to renew my contract

Now they didn't trust me and just wanted me to finish my contract and be gone.


I did damage control, and put a spin to the story but Titan was not having it and I kinda burnt that bridge with them. It was at this time that "Folsom Prison" was released and was a Mega Hit!! Early reviews came in and people loved my scene in the movie and Titan even gave me writers credit for my role in the movie(First time in Titan history)but the damage was done by the post I wrote for the "Telescope" movie.

My contract was up April 2008 and I still had two scenes left to do. I worked out a deal with Titan that if they invited me to IML and Folsom Fair I would stay on as a unofficial exclusive, finish out my scenes and still promote the Titan brand. I filmed "Double Standard" my first romantic scene and that was big for me. I wanted to change the pace from this aggressive fucker and show a different side to the camera and my fans. There were some "complications" but I remained professional and did my job. I again asked Brian Mills if I could do the treatment on this scene and I was given the green light. I wanted the movie to have the feel of 9 1/2 weeks and it worked out very well...

***Now its the 2008 Grabbys/IML and I'm working the Titan booth at IML, the poster for the 2008 Folsom Fair was released at this time(remember me devoting time and energy to that?)I go and get a copy of the poster I took pictures for...


I found out harshly that I was replaced by Markus Ram and taken off the poster entirely...*********

I was hurt!!Was this because of the "Telescope" post I wrote?? I asked around and the story I was given was that they needed a picture of a smiling black man. And they felt that I looked too aggressive for the Ad...

Umm okay....

So for the first half of the IML trip I was depressed, I started to get drowned by all the hardships I was going through. A weaker person would have quit, and said "Fuck this shit". The hate email was constant, I was a Sell out, Black Mandingo, Token Black.... Titan did not trust me anymore, they did not want to renew my contract, took me off the Folsom poster. And when I tried to network at IML no Studio wanted to touch me because I was so closely tied with the Titan brand. I had no where to turn...

Grabbys 2008, I was nominated for Best performer and Hottest Cock. I was not nominated for any awards at the 2008 GayVns so I thought the chances of winning anything was slim to none. I was wrong and shocked, I won for Hottest Cut cock 2008 and it couldn't have come at a better time!! I was so depressed before the awards, that I just sat in my room upset. That picked up my spirits and I felt better..



August 2008 I head to San Fran and finish my last scene with Titan. Beforehand I asked Brian Mills if I could do the treatment for the scene. This time I was given complete control and even had a chance to direct some of the scene. I asked Brian Mills if he could be in the scene with Kameron Scott and act like his boss, he agreed. I wrote the entire script, came up with the concept and idea. I even styled myself(I had a basketball jersey made to say TitanMen #10)I brought white and black jock straps that Titan made(me in the white one, Kameron in the black one)I picked Kameron Scott opposite me because he was familiar with sports and was a jock type. And truth be told I liked Kameron Scott more than just a Co star. We filmed the scene.

Sept 2008 its Folsom Fair time I bring Kameron Scott with me(We all know what happened there)and then I was finished. The deal I worked out with Titan was over and I went Free agent. So alot of people didn't know my contract with Titan was over April 2008 I stayed around six months after my contract was done to finish up the scenes and to keep promoting the Titan brand.

A letter from Brian Mills (Titan Lead Director):

I wish to acknowledge your contribution to some of my best work over the past couple of years. You always arrived ready to deliver a memorable performance. Even under difficult circumstances, you always shone with the character of a winner.

It's only a matter of time before we see each other again. When the time is right, I look forward to working with you again as well.

Your director and friend,

Brian Mills

I got this really great letter and at the same time.....

When I announced that I was a free agent, the hate email came pouring in by the truck loads. Most of the email was super harsh:

"HAHAHA now what are you going do after Titan got rid of your ass"

"Told you Titan would get rid of you, you sell out!!"

"Your all used up now, and nobody wants to hire you now"

"Your old news now, nobody wants to hire you"


I again ignored the hate email, and started to hit the pavement. No studios wanted to hire me, they either thought I was still under contract, or they didn't want to take a chance on me. I became depressed and not knowing what the future would bring for me, made me feel helpless. Thanks TheSword for reporting that HERE

At this point, the Diesel character had no direction. The hate email became Stalkerish and I was getting death threats now. Yes DEATH THREATS!! Titan was taking an aggressive stance on illegal downloads and data sharing sites that used Titan copywrited material. One of the sites that Titan went after was a popular Black site that was using copywrited footage that Titan owned.

Long story short, I think the site was using Titan's footage of Diesel Washington and Titan went on to sue the site and get it shut down. Titan does not play with stuff like that. This is an example:
An official with Titan Media owner Io Group, operator of TitanMen.com, said that the company would prefer to sue owners of the peer-to-peer networks, where its content has been traded, but that's proved difficult.

"If users do not want their names and identities associated with the theft of legal adult material, then they should stop trading it and making it freely available from their home computers," said Keith Webb, vice president of Io Group, in an e-mail response. "Once they get caught, they can't scamper behind the coattails of their ISP to try and avoid responsibility for their actions. Titan Media will not idly sit by and watch while hundreds of thousands of users steal our legal and copyright-protected property and make it freely available to anyone, including children."



Some People in the Black community, were outraged!!! Most of the people in the black community were like "Fuck Titan" for trying to close down the site. Soon they started saying "Fuck Diesel Washington" if they are trying to close down the site just because we are sharing footage of him, then fuck him too. We dont need his footage, he only films with white guys anyway.

So now I was getting "Death Threats" because a beloved site was getting shut down. People I'm not the one that wanted to close down the site. It's not Titan's fault that they want to control their footage from being illegally shared, its their footage, they paid for it, and they want to keep an eye on their investment.

So now I'm out of work, nobody wants to hire me, I getting "Death Threats" now. The Black community is calling me a Sell out, and now a popular Black site was being shut down and all the blame was coming at me. I was going nuts!!!!

When I went free agent I was approached by tons of Studios that shoot the "Thug" content. None of the studios wanted to pay me my scene rate(I was getting offers for 1/4 of my scene rate, really??),I tried to work with these companies and I asked to direct a couple of scenes first, because I wanted to get behind the camera for a change but nobody saw my vision. They only wanted me as a model and they said they would get back to me. Never heard from them again....

Finally I got a call from Tony Dimarco(Oct 2008), wanting to shoot me for Raging Stallions(Rear Delveries). I jumped at the offer because I wanted to jump start my career again. I filmed for Raging Stallions it went well and things started to happen.

***After the Raging Stallions shoot, Kink.com(Nov 2008) wanted to use me for their Bound Gods site. I would be the first black model on that site, and I jumped at the chance to add some color to that site. I filmed my scene with Bound Gods, put it this way a scene that would have taken two or three hours to film, due to complications the scene took seven hours to film(not my fault)and I was dead tired!!****

Remember that Bound Gods shoot

From there I filmed with Falcon(Asylum, Dec 2008)and Mustang(Redlight Dec 2008). Okay I was a douche on the Asylum set and had words with Eric Rhodes, since then I admitted my mistakes about that situation and tried to move on, most people thought I was a dick for being mad at Eric...and you know what??? you would right and I admitted it. The Mustang shoot went great and I got it huge press on theSword.com. At the time "Redlight" was in production, I was told that the movie would be starring me. I was handpicked for the role by Steven Cruz himself, and that I was the star of the movie. I even agreed to a lower scene rate if I was given the cover, they agreed. Little Story HERE

Now its Jan 2009, and Kink.com releases my scene on Bound Gods. Alot of the black bloggers took offense to my scene on Bound Gods. Since Obama was elected president, Kink.com started a campiagn saying change was coming, with it they released my scene. I think some people in the black community could not get over the fact that I was doing a scene, most people saw the pics of me being tied to a post as offensive in some way. They never saw the scene or footage but when the images starting floating around of a black man tied to a post and another white model leaning over him like he was in control. The Backlash came hard and heavy!!!
See that here:


People didn't want to see my point that I was the first African American on the site, trying to break the stereotype. Alot of people thought I was doing the reverse and trying to feed into that stereotype.

Back on my blog, the hate email was out of control now!!! I had tons of emails from people in the Black community that were upset and angry at me. I didn't know what to do?? Most people didn't get the facts right and they prejudged me before I could even respond.

I wrote a couple of posts to open the eyes of people but the hatred was too strong and nobody was going to listen. I still pushed forward in my career trying to bulid my name and restart my career again.

"Rear Delveries" was released and the industry gave me good reviews. Then "Redlight" was released, I was no where on the cover. I was pissed off yet again and I felt that I was being lied to yet again. Leo Giamani was on the cover and I lashed out on my blog, why was I put on the back of the DVD and a porn star with a barebacking history gets on the cover of a movie that was promised as my starring role(He signed dual exclusive with Falcon and Randy Blue at this point)instead "Redlight" was the spring board for Leo and his Falcon career. Argh!!!

Titan gave me the word that they were releasing my scene with Kameron Scott in a movie called "Playbook" I started a phony blog war with Kameron Scott to bring attention to our scene. The blogging community took Kameron's side, and started calling me a bullying online. I was the older mature model picking on some innocent twink, I took alot of negative press for that. People made me out to be a demon!! Later the story would change and people found out what really happened. When the story came out, and Kameron admitted to using me because he wanted fame by any means necessary!! And that he would step on whoever he needed to to reach the top. Did any of the bloggers who made me out to be a demon say sorry to me?? Nope!!! I kept on with my career despite what people thought about me.


I filmed with Channel 1 releasing in the meantime, and I took another scene rate cut to work for Chi Chi(Taken to the Lowest Level) I worked my ass off in that role, and despite a slow start(I will admit it)I was able to focus(Thanks Adam Killan)and get into my role and turn out a hot scene!! I brought my A game and a new position called
the Cannonball with me. I gave Chi Chi gold and at the end of the scene, Chi Chi said "Hmmm I never saw that before" and I still wanted to give more in the scene. Chi Chi said "Diesel you gave me enough, more than I hoped for its enough" I have always gave 100% on set and that will never change.

During this same period, M.L. made some statements about the Black community(homophobia preventing black models coming into business)that I did not agree with. Nobody wanted to stand up against him and voice their opinion, esp in the black community. I guess some black performers either didn't want to speak up or didn't want to cause waves with a porn producer that they wanted to work for. Not me!! I voiced my opinions on my blog, which started a blog war between M.L. and Diesel Washington. When the smoke cleared, I voiced my opinions but at the same time M.L. deemed that some of my comments were anti-semitic. And in various interviews he calls me stupid, ignorant the porn star who got it all wrong. See that HERE

So I had to fight yet again to clear my name, I'm so tired at this point.

Now its GayVns 2009, and I invite Momma Washington and her BF to attend. I pay for the flights/Hotels and tickets for the show.I brought Momma Washington not for attention, my mother wanted to come to support me because she loves me. So all the haters that said I brought my Mom for extra attention, come on this shit is getting old now. I was nominated for Best Top, Best Performer, Best Duo. We all know what happens next, I didn't win any GayVn awards that year and I felt like shit. I took the loss of Best Top the hardest(lost to Ricky Sinz)and I wrote a nasty post expressing my thoughts. (Since then I made peace with Ricky)

I then announce that I want to start my own Studio yet again, but the recession is really bad. I decide that is not a good time to start such a venture at this point.

Now its the 2009 Grabbys, I was nominated for Best porn star blog, Best Duo, Best Website, Best performer. I bring Momma Washington(and Bf) to the award show. This time around I win Best Performer and Best porn star blog. Finally!!!!

After fighting and fighting to keep my name alive in a business that has been working against me. I finally come out a winner!!! After much thought I decide to retire, I didn't want to play the highschool games anymore and I wanted rest. On my blog I revealed my true age, and the haters came out in full force. Now besides the the "Mandingo" comments I was being called an old man now!!!

I annouce my retirement, and oddly enough not one single piece of hate email? WTF??? All the hate email I recieved before my career, during my career when I annouce my retirement I don't get a single piece of hate email??

I was ready to fade away and just live life again..

Then Unzipped pulls me out of retirement and gives me an opportunity of having my own magazine cover. I think hard about it, do I want to jump back into the game after all the shit I have been through??

During my retirement I was getting alot of emails from some people in the Black community asking for my return. The job was not done, I may have broke the glass ceiling, but my job was not over. There were other models looking to get their foot in the door and they wanted my help. I thought long and hard....

If I was going to come back, it would be to help other Men of Color to get in the door. I did my thing already, I reached the goal I set for myself. But if I was going to help I had to relaunch my career yet again in order to make that happen.

When the Unzipped cover was released, I would announce my comeback and take the porn industry over one more time. At the same time I was promoting Unzipped, I was hosting the Hustlaball, and my pic was in the Museum of Sex for its Naked Ambition exhibit.

After this happened, the hate email came back twice fold!! I was ready this time and I decided to lash back out at the haters! I was done being a punching bag for the haters!! Fuck that I had enough!!

I film "Getting Levi's Johnson" I do the BTS, give a good performance and try to make my comeback. During my time off(4months), I put on bad wieght and had to fight a long battle to get it off.

Back on my Blog, the hate email is neverending at this point, The haters see that I gained weight and they come out in all their glory to just trash me. This time its different besides all the hate email I get. Now I'm getting trashed in the comment section of my favorite blogs, and I'm not having it!!! Now I'm going head to head with the haters I refuse to back down and now that is my attitude.

After a string of failed relationships, which all take a toll on me. I'm done with talking about my personal relationships on my blog. One relationship I had with another porn model just killed me. I flew from LA to NYC and this porn model sends me a text saying that they are in trouble and need my help. The same day I fly from LA to NYC, I book a ticket to FTL to help out this model, and he leaves me in the wind and totally fucks me over!! I take it hard and depression sets in big time.

I come up with the Model development program, wanting to use it to help out other models get into the business. I get a huge response from the models, but I lack the resources to handle all the models that wanted my help. And further more its hard to charge someone for your service, when all the models are only considered about themselves. They use you for what they can get, and then when they are done with you, you don't even get a simple Thanks.

Now its 2010, and I decide to join Twitter to further network. The personal attacks come hard and heavy, now the haters come at you directly. The new breed of haters coming about, now not only do they hate on you but they use that platform of hate to further their careers.

I then reach out to Tiger Tyson, I wanted to work on a project that would take the Industry by storm. It starts out a friendly feud and we go back and forth just hyping up the fans about us possibly working with each other. Then it got ugly, Tiger lashed out at me calling me an Old man, and that I was washed up!! And that I wasn't good enough to carry his jockstrap. I mean it got ugly and I washed my hands from working with Tiger. See that HERE I still wanted to reach out to the black community, so I decided to do a scene with Castro on his site "Its Gonna Hurt". If I couldn't do a scene with Tiger Tyson, then it makes sense to do a scene with Castro right? The scene took forever, so I don't think I will be working with Castro in the future. But I tried to give the fans something different. I never back down from a challenge, I love working with other big dicked tops to show off "Who has the better topping skills" I worked with Barrett Long because of that same reason "What Happens in Vegas" anybody remember that movie???

Moving on.....

Its now the 2010 Grabbys and I was picked to host the Grabbys this year. I bring two models with me. One of the models is a close friend and sticks by my side the entire time. The other model turned out to be some using loser, who was only looking to further their career by any means necessary. I bring Momma Washington(and Bf)to the Grabbys and some model gutterbunny that I don't get along with. Gets a unknowing blogger to take their picture with my Mom and then plaster it on his twitter and facebook page. I was highly pissed about this, and I had a huge Twitter melt down. Then cybersocket puts out a list of the top porn performers for 2010(SO FAR)and the porn industry has a shit fit!! When I saw the number of hypocrites coming out against Cybersocket I lost it!! These were the same people that don't hire Men of Color for their own productions but have the nerve to call out Cybersocket for its lack of color on its list.

Further more, to this day those same people who pointed their finger at Cybersocket for its list. Had production after production this year, and they still haven't hire any Men of Color for their features. Bunch of fucking Hypocrites I tell you!!!

Back to the haters

The New breed of haters are porn performers that target you and lash out at you to help their careers. So now I have black models that couldn't go further with their careers coming at me to get attention for themselves. I have white models that want to use me to further their careers. I have some people in the black community hating on me for the reasons explained above. It never stops and I'm just tired of it all!!!

Nobody knows what I go through on a daily basis.......


And after all this shit in my porn career.....


People still think its my responsibility to help people in my community. I'm the role model because I'm the most popular Black model out there. Why me??? I mean the studios don't even want to hire me anymore so why do I have to carry the burden? Yet I try to help my community..

I start the America's Next Black Bottom contest, and it was nightmare. I was gettng responses from people wanting to model but they were not in shape, had done prior bareback work so it was hard finding the right models. The models that had the right look, became bossy telling me what they would do or will not do, and giving me a list of demands. I had one model even go to the extreme by saying that they didn't want to be known as a bottom and wanted to be known as a versatile performer. Umm okay?? the name of the contest was America's Next Black Bottom and they became so catty with Me that I just said forget it. Now that same model wants to jump on the Hate Diesel train. I had another model that I wanted to work with, who at the last minute decided porn was not for him and he dropped out of the contest the day before I was going to release the results. I had another model that I wanted to work with, but when I showed around his pictures, I wasn't getting a good response because he was too heavily tattooed. I felt bad because he was eager to work, but just recently I heard he shot his first scene, and for gods sake it was bareback scene. So I just don't know what to do anymore...

I secured a good deal with Suite 703, after my scene with Scott Alexander. I was given a number of scenes to do and I wanted to use that opportunity to help out more black models and Men of color. My first scene was with Jace Jones and he was excited to be apart of production. Derek Reyonlds backed out citing that he was retiring. We found a replacement but then that model cancel a day before the scene. Which costed money and energy! We had to use an outside agency to find another black model to shoot the scene with.

That model tried to use false records stating that he was HIV neg, Gio(photographer)looked at his documents and knew something was wrong. Howard from Fabscout sent the model to be tested and guess what?? The model turned out to be HIV positive and we had to shoot a solo scene instead. *Sigh

I was one of the first models to talk about the HIV issue in the porn industry. Working with HIV models and telling Studios/Sites that as models we have the right to know our partners status. I was of the first models to go on their blog and clearly state their stance on HIV testing, STD testing and saying its the responsibilty of the models to police themselves.

Then the haters started double(triple)teaming me, calling me the "Black Savage" "Black Mandingo" default Black actor and I had it!!!

This bullshit has been happening since 2005 from my very first post on this blog, and I had it..........

Now everybody is yelling at me to start my own studio. I'm getting calls from white/black models looking to take their career further asking me for my advice. At this point I don't want to help anybody anymore.

I do the interviews, take the pics and I give press to models who might not have gotten the press without me. I help everybody in this Industry....

BelAmi uses two my youtubes of the Peter Twins for its site.

Director Chris Steele uses five of my youtubes on his youtube channel promoting "Getting Levi's Johnson"

I made countless interviews of porn models who use my youtube vids for their websites and blogs

I promoted tons of events on my blog and then took youtubes of the events that every single gossip blog out there used at one point or another.

I promote models that I have never met before, because I know its hard for Men of color in this business.

I have some porn producers that send me photos of models that they want to use in a feature asking me for my input. What scenes would be best for this model, and what type of partners would be good for this model.

As a model, I gave the industry some ground breaking scenes that will stand the test of time and that pushed the limits of fetish play.

As a model, I gave this industry signature positions just to spice things up. Making the other models step up their game, and do something different besides the same ole shit.

Out of all the things I have done, the double fisting, double footing, signature positions I showed that you can do freaky things and still remain safe at the same time!!!

I tried to be a role model, by writing posts about being tested and staying safe. I recorded my visit to the Department of Health just to show models, we need to take responsibilty for ourselves!!

So yeah I'm mad that the porn Industry turned its back on me, I have done nothing but give back to it.

So now you know why I'm so angry!!!

Sorry if there grammar mistakes, spelling errors or whatever I wanted to write this post to get things off my chest!!!

I feel better now!!!

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Excellent Post T.

Derek said...

Hey i'm in ghana and reading your blog makes me want to tear. You have every reason to be mad.don't break pls! You can get in touch:www.facebook.com/derek.jameson2.

Anonymous said...

So, what you are saying is that a lot of studios just did not want to work with you. Sure some of it may be based on race (the easy answer) but a large part of it just plain a simple you may not be a fit for them.

The good:
-enthusiastic performer
-good cheerleader
-solid fan base
-nice body

The bad:
-too muscular
-not versatile
-behind the scenes, too much trouble: Loud, lack of discretion, complainer, in your face
-too old
-fucking style is "one note"

The question is, what is your back-up plan? A few post ago, you talked about doing your own thing, but it seems that your focus is still living in the past? Maybe your focus should be trying to secure your future.

Get your shit together and move on to the next phase of your life -- with dignity.

Anonymous said...

DAYUM MAN!!!!

I have nothing but love and respect for you.

I am one of those brothers that detested watching you bone white boyz. After reading this and feeling your SOUL, i realize i was in error.

I love you man...KEEP DOING YOU!!!!

Anonymous said...

Diesel you are such a wonderful man and I am so glad you broke down barriers, because it is sad because people say us black folks always use the race card to justify our problems, we dont care about our color, they do. we just wanna do a good job at what we do. Diesel Ive enjoyed your work over the years. Thank you. You have inspired me to work harder. i read your blog and I am glad I got a better sense of who you are. You work very hard and you should be proud. I dont have words to describe my reverence I have for you as an anatomy artist, but as a black man. Thank you.