I know I haven't been writing much.....
Sorry for that people, its just that it seems I'm repeating the same stories about the same parties, same events and over and over its the same exact thing but the faces are different you know?
*cue Jaded and Bitter....
I feel like the old dinosaur that winds up at these events, I see the new faces all excited to be there and slutting their way to the top. And I mean Slutting to the top in a good way, Hey if your a young porn star and you go to these events and see the BIG names out and about. You want a piece of that dick or ass I mean you have to keep it real as a porn star sometimes..
Do I have moments OF COURSE!! I go to these events and see all the up and coming and some of them are so fucking cute. I'm at a social function when I meet them, so personality is everything. In talking about themselves some models are more low key, and keep the gay porn persona separate from their normal lives its an interesting duality. But back to the thirst
The Thirst:
The hunger for taking selfies with all the big names, like its a mission. It's almost like Fanboying over another porn star which is fine. What makes it alittle more intense is that it has a Stalker twist to it.
Being on Twitter and tweeting every porn star or adding to their stories, wishing they were there. Being with them..How come I wasn't invited? It's hard to read sometimes the lengths that these thirsty boys go to get some attention.
I get weary of the entitlement of the Thirsty, I understand you want the same level of success and fame. But some porn stars had to create their brand from the ground up and it took years. Due to the popularity of Social media, all you have to do is create a Twitter account and become a "Porn star/model"
We will come back to the Thirst, but where are my manners I haven't updated people on my travels....
Let me see, the last place I talked about was Chicago.
Since then it was Orlando and Pittsburgh..
Orlando Pictures:
Filmed two scenes while in Orlando with Sean Duran who i worked with on HighPerformanceMen.com and fresh out of retirement Jay Armstrong....So yeah I was not fucking twinks or skinny little guys.. Your welcome and I play a character which is always fun.
Folks I ran into in Orlando AJ Monroe...The boy parties too hard for Me and We both wind up Hot messes and it wasnt a good luck. To give background on the story, someone parties too hard and I accidentally drank from his cup which in turn....
It wasn't a good time had and took Me almost a week to recover from whatever was in that cup. Long story kept short(Wink)
And here goes the Pittsburgh pics
So I had a couple of mental breakdowns, alot of traveling around and drama and just annoying things(the usual).
I expect to do some extensive traveling soon, so there is alot of things going on right now and I'm being pulled in alot of directions.
One direction, I'm dating again....And met somebody I really like....
Not going in depth keeping that to myself...Yeah Right! Catch Me twitter talking about him...Yikes Moving on...
What things more do I want to accomplish? Its hard to say...
The model in Me still wants to turn out roles, I figured Cockyboys would be my last stop but I'm happy to just do sex scenes(Even though you guys like Me in Movies) So there are a couple of projects coming my way so when I announced a possible retirement..Of course roles come and fall into your lap and that is that.
As far as my filming and directing, I had my chance to work with a company for two years producing content. Even though there was a parting of ways, I get the itch every now and then, to get back behind the camera. But that dream of doing a website and producing content, I had a long time to do some analyzing. And Frankly....
THERE IS NO MONEY IN PORN UNLESS YOU MAKE IT YOUR FULL TIME JOB!!
Doing Live Cam shows to doing clients in the escort field, to going out at night and being a Part time Go Go boy, to giving massages and hair grooming. Running your own website, to running a talent agency, paid personal appearances, I mean even being a Shot boy at a bar or something. Selling underwear and gear, doing live sex shows, nude modeling,....
Sex Sex Sex...
It can consume you!!
You have to be very strong willed to be able to handle, being ready a minutes notice to have sex with a random stranger. Now this is not for the faint of heart this business, but I'm a performer and this is only a performance to Me. But to be honest after years and years of doing this, you do suppress certain images of people inside of your head, cause you just had random sex with them. There was no emotional connection and it was just a transaction for money. If you can always remember its for the money and not get "Connected" then you should be in the clear.
Connected is when all the memories of all the people you had sex with makes You feel:
Worthless
Used and Abused
Sex toy
Play thing
No important use besides Sexual gratification
The feeling that your only value is your Hot body or cock or a Porn persona you created..
Low self worth
Sex addiction
Lack of Intimacy
And the list goes on and on.....
I have always been honest on my blog and these are just emotions that I go through..
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