Alot of Deaths in Gay porn....
I got a couple of emails from fans wondering my thoughts about the death of yet another porn star in the businesss. This will probably be one of those gloomy posts, so if your having a good day I would advise not to read this and wait for the fun posts with the pictures and all that good stuff.....
Nobody understands what a Porn Veteran goes:
Is anybody familar with the term Idol Worship? Catechism of the Catholic Church states: "Idolatry not only refers to false pagan worship. Man commits idolatry whenever he honours and reveres a creature in place of God, whether this be gods, or demons (for example satanism), power, pleasure, race, ancestors, the state, money etc."
Scary Vid huh?, But as a culture that is what We do...
What does that mean to porn? You see these larger than life figures on screen playing out "Sexual situations" and We are beating our meat to the figure on the screen, the actors are even saying, "Worship my body" on the screen for your enjoyment. Nothing wrong with that, it's your favorite Porn Star having a good time and your "Choking the Chicken". Gay porn is Entertainment for the viewers, Plain and Simple. Now that Porn Star is placed on a pedestal and worshipped HARD. He is worshipped hard until....
A newer/fresher/younger model arrives on the scene, and then another one and then another and then another...
Soon enough, as in all entertainment one minute your hot and then the next minute your washed up/old news/day old bread. Ever wonder or think about that porn star who was the "IT" boy of his time???, Wonder what ever happened to him after the lights go out?? When the phone stops ringing? No more trips around USA. Do you even care??
That is how the entertainment business works...
To be a porn star, you have to have THICK SKIN, the day you starred in your first porno movie was the day your life will forever be changed. Good or Bad your life will defiantly change. You are now exposing yourself to the world, so expect your Karma to change and basically your way of life. If you were "Damaged goods" to begin with, then expect that Big downward spiral any day. The business can change people but you have to be strong enough not to let yourself get caught in the hype(Drugs, Risky sex, Users)But the game is hard, for some....
Imagine exposing yourself to the world, having the courage to let the world see your vulnerable side/sexual side and then when your SHELF LIFE expires....
YOU ENTER DARKNESS:
Emails from Haters, counting down the days until I do my first bareback scene.
Relationship? What is that?? Alot of people want to sleep with a Porn star but Date one?? Hell no!
Kinda hard to fill in the gaps on your Resume, not sure putting Porn Actor on the application is cool.
Studios/Web sites want only fresh faces.
In order to be "On" I need a bag of weed/coke/tina/G/K or pills...
Plenty of sex......Intimacy and emotional connection with people not so much. Lonely life sometimes
There is a CLASH between the perception of myself, the perception of what people think about Me.
Self worth, Self confidence is at an all time low.
Intimacy is replaced with sexual conquests(Random sex, online hookups, one nighters, booty calls)
I'm not the "Guy you want to get to know.." I'm the "Guy you want to fuck"
I started out as that hot guy, but when it was made known that I do porn, now I'm a Slut!! A disease carrying, slut who has no respect for himself....what a change of events.
As a Porn Star you supplement your income by Dancing/Escorting/Massages/Personal appearances. So a lot of lonely nights in hotel rooms in different states, got to go where the money is.
Feelings of paranoia grow, when you get anonymous emails from people who see you at an event or just walking on street. People/eyes are watching your every movement.
Porn is what you make it, it does come with the Stigma, but you have to know how to use that in your favor. It's 2013, everybody has a naked/shirtless/cock shot/ass pic/sexy underwear picture online so the stigma is not so strong nowadays but some people do find it limiting. But again it takes a strong willed person to do porn ESP when you reached your Shelf Life.
I do feel bad about the "Fallen Soldiers" they had issues and needed help. Porn is not to blame but porn did accelerate the problems of that individual.
I'm Jealous that these models finally get to sleep in peace.
RIP my friends...
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3 comments:
There is something sad about an aging porn star or hooker...we live in a very youth obscessed society..i think like you said they have issues to begin with and the business just magnifies them..maybe the key is just do it for a while when you're young ..make some money and get out..you've been very sucessful..hope you're doing ok!!!
I was one of the people who asked about Arpad's death; I just saw your response. It was very honest and poignant; however that being said your last line freaked me out totally and even surprised me.
I do not know you, which means I may be totally wrong here but always remember you are not just FROM New York but you ARE New York. You seem to be built differently than most and I think you can stand a lot more of the world's craps. So don't worry about peace, it is over-rated. The truth is too many of these tragedies involve people transplanted from elsewhere, that is not you!
If you are jealous that these models finally get to sleep in peace, does that mean you do not rest in peace?
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