Thursday, July 08, 2010


Eminem album is crazy......

As everybody knows, I'm a big Hip Hop fan and Eminem's album speaks volumes to me. But I have to go back to the beginning just so people understand the things that I go through.

For the last two years of my life, I have been a prisoner in my own mind. I have noticed that I don't go out anymore, I really don't like being in crowds and I shy away from making friends. The energy of the blog has changed, I seem to spit more venom at people instead of spreading Love. It's a double edged sword, I have become more successful in the last two years of my career and at the same time I became miserable because of it. But why????......

I mean I do know why, but I shouldn't let this "Porn Fame" stop Me from having a active social life. I wanted to become this "World Famous" porn star and I achieved that but at the same time, I long for the days when I was a nobody. There was a moment in time, where I would take offense to the Statement "I remember when you were a nobody, and Look at you now!" On one hand, I always thought I was a somebody(compared to nobody)and I knew in my heart I was destined for greater things. Looking back at that statement my first response was to be pissed because "I was somebody" even back then. But on second thought, I know what that person was trying to trying to say, and He was right. I have become this "Thing"

This time around, I'm going through changes:

"I'm grieving, I try and hide it, But I can't, why do I act like I'm all high and mighty, When inside, I'm dying, I am finally realizing I need help, I can't do it myself, two weak, 2 weeks I've been having ups and downs......"

I guess its hard for people to understand, I have loyal Fans that read the blog and watch the scenes and support Me. To those supporters all I can say is THANKS. At the same time I have never encountered the amount of Hate that would come my way. I mentally prepared myself for the worst, but I really had no idea.

I get alot of hate from some people in the African American community(still)that go on and on, about this Mandingo character(so tired of it) Other models hating on Me because I seem to stay in the News, always getting attention. I still have to fight with companies that are not hiring Men of Color(same excuse of not being big sellers in the Midwest). I'm fighting the Ageism(new issue)now more than ever, the comments "Your Old" "Washed Up" "Has Been" and these comments come from other models and Industry people!!

The newest development, is the USING bastards in this business. I get contacted left and right by models looking to break into the Industry. I try to help as many people as possible, but the models today are too hungry and too lazy!! They don't want to make the effort to work hard, and expect the fame and money to be handed to them because they are young, a fresh face and they think they are entitled to it. Reality check, you guys don't deserve the attention, because you didn't earn it!! Since the newcummers understand my attitude, they don't ask for help like they used to. The newest method is go all out and attack(via Twitter, Blogs,Facebook)the models that are high profile, thinking that method will bring them attention that they crave. I struggled with this new method of attack, at first they befriend you to see what they can get out of you. When you don't "Play Ball" then comes the attacks, hoping that the attack will get them more attention, like Who is this Newcummer going after Diesel??. If you respond to their rudeness, and tacky behavior you fall prey to their game, they study your films, blog, youtubes and collect that info to use against you. All they have to do is cause one shock wave at your expense, and Bam!!! they think people will take notice of them because of it.

But I push on and work harder but let Eminem speak those words for Me:

Is anybody out there? It feels like I'm talking to myself, No seems to know my struggle, And everything I come from, Can anybody hear Me??I guess I keep talking to myself, It feels like I'm going insane, Am I the one whose crazy??

To those models, that feel all I do is talk about How the Industry owes Me or that I have to constantly brag about my accomplishments. The Industry doesn't owe Me anything your right....

But I do have to point out the things that I have done for this Industry. I brought new life, new positions just new things to the table. While other people were just looking for hand outs. Not bragging or anything, but I gave the newcummers a blue print to follow. The Performances, Power of blogging, Self promotion and going outside the box and doing Interviews all the above. I see all these models following in my footsteps and doing the things I was doing years ago, but they STILL need to step up their game.

Now to address those people that say all I do is brag....

Ummm okay....??? and your point is?? If I don't brag about my accomplishments nobody else will. I'm still shocked at how many people don't know that I have won awards, some have no clue that I even won Performer of the Year back in 2009. I don't have a publicist that works for Me. And everybody knows the attention span of a Gay Man is about 5mins, before they move onto something else. I'm proud of my accomplishments and I will keep letting people know because I earned those accomplishments. So you guys need to get over that and quick.

To that Model who runs his mouth, I have the real deal cock. You should remember because I tore up your hole. So keep running your mouth about some fake 10in running into your Ass. You changed and became this Monster, so what you have Twitter fans, is anybody going to buy your stuff??? Average body, average dick and skinny Ass. Over analyze this.... Your a blogger turned porn star, will it work?? Witty comments and strong writing does not make a porn star... Remember that!! Monster!! This song is for you:

Its funny that this model still talks about Me and all I can say is What do you want from Me?? More attention??? If We never got together nobody would know your name... So I guess you will keep talking about Me because You need Me...

I have to admit, I do live in the past. Things have changed in Porn and I need to adapt. I'm not the only one that has to learn to adapt, the Industry has changed as a whole. Technology has changed the game for everybody, We went from Big screen movies to Beta/VHS and then to DVD and finally the Internet. All forms of entertainment are suffering from the effects of the Internet. We will overcome this as well.....

The appearance of the Tube sites have changed the face of porn now. Anybody and everybody can do porn now, load it up to the Tube site and Bam you become a Porn Star. I have said this before....

Everybody is down sizing and forming alliances with other companies, so the game is even harder now. But I'm still here and surviving, but for how long??

One of the movies that truly inspired Me was "The Wrestler" it reached me on all levels. I pictured myself as the Ram character and still fighting in this Industry!! I might as well go all out!! I live for the Fans!! I tried to step away from this Industry at one time or another. But I'm not ready to leave yet!!! Here are some clips from the Movie that really touched Me. I added some comments to the footage.

Right now, I feel like the Ram character jumping off the ring post into darkness. Here you go:

I take this Porn game serious, I don't want to be that Has Been, Washed Up Porn Star. I'm still at the peak of my Career, nobody has come close to Me yet.

I'm still here!!!

So lets wrap up this post, I'm older Yes!!! With that comes alot of experience and a Fan base that these Newer stars will never have.

STUDIOS, I have proven that I can sell DVDs and scenes!! Sure these kids will work for pennies and they are young and fresh. But....

In this time of recession, you want to take the risk of bringing in a New Star to sell your product.?? I have a strong Fan base, that still buys my product. They know I will give 100 percent to the role, they know I enjoy performing and I will bring more to the role because I want to keep putting out good product. I don't work for the Check, I work for the Joy in creating Art.

So the point of this post, was to let go of Demons.

I kept alot of Rage inside, I was tired of seeing other models work more than Me. I read the tweets of other models and they work and work and work. Everybody tells me its not about the quantity of movies its the quality of the Movies. While that is true, I still need to pay Bills.

I would get pissed off, because other models were beening paired with Hotties that they wanted to work with for a long time. While I was getting paired with models that were willing to work with a Black Guy. I wasn't getting paired with other High profile models and it was driving Me nuts. Four years in this Industry and I still hear I'm not right for this role or that role. Nobody wants to come clean and say, Diesel we would love to work with you but Men of Color don't sell well in the Midwest.

**And that is the honest truth, Obama(Our President) himself did not receive tons of votes from the Midwest Bible belt area. As luck would have it, the Bible belt area are some of the largest consumers of Gay Porn(that is not a shock, closet Homos)so Studios crack under the pressure of losing consumers by adding more color to their roster. It sucks to hear but that is the truth.

What the Industry has to understand, How did Obama win his election??? He got huge turn outs of People of Color that wanted change. What does this mean to the Porn Industry??

There is a untapped source of revenue out there waiting to be discovered!!

But what do I know?? I'm just a model!!LOL

I want to tackle another subject.....

Diesel Washington partnering with David Forest

David is from the Old School, and I respect any Man that has staying power. He must be doing something right to keep going on and on. Right?? I look at the clients that He has now and he has Major names.

Mark Dalton – Zeb Atlas
Tony Capucci – Brent Corrigan
Samuel Colt – Diesel Washington

So people stop with the emails warning Me about David, I understand that people are concerned about the partnership. But I'm on top of it, so relax. I wanted to shake up the Industry!! And it seems that mission was accomplished!!! Some Doors will be closed to Me(because of partnership), but those same Doors were closed to Me for being Black! And as everybody knows, I love the challenge and I love the fight!! I'm happy doing a couple of projects during the year. I want to spread my wings and do more touring, and whoring.LOL

As the old saying goes, "When this Door is closed on You, there will be another Door that will open for you" So the key is learning how to be more creative when it comes Promotion and working within the Industry.

**I had to address this Fan because of the Obama comment

Ok. You really got to stop. First Obama did win votes in the midwest. In the 2008 election he took Wyoming, Colorado, Illinois, Iowa, North Dakota,Wisconsin, Indiana, Idaho,Michigan,and Ohio. And do you know how he won those states? By not making race a talking point. Heck his campaign didn't even tell the press about racial incidents that happened to campaign volunteers.
I'm not saying race is not a problem in gay porn. The medium is reactionary when it comes to actors of color. Yet, it's not going to change because of you and your constant carping. Time to try a new tactic.


McCain was expected
to win easily

E.V. Obama McCain % Rpt.

9 Ala. 39% 60% 99%
3 Alaska 38% 60% 100%
10 Ariz. 45% 54% 100%
6 Ark. 39% 59% 100%
4 Idaho 36% 62% 100%
6 Kan. 41% 57% 100%
8 Ky. 41% 57% 100%
9 La. 40% 59% 100%
6 Miss. 43% 56% 100%
5* Neb. 42% 57% 100%
7 Okla. 34% 66% 100%
8 S.C. 45% 54% 100%
3 S.D. 45% 53% 100%
11 Tenn. 42% 57% 100%
34 Tex. 44% 56% 100%
5 Utah 35% 62% 100%
3 Wyo. 33% 65% 100%

Battleground states
E.V. Obama McCain % Rpt.
27 Fla. 51% 48% 100%
11 Ind. 50% 49% 99%
11 Mo. 49% 49% 100%
15 N.C. 50% 50% 100%
20 Ohio 51% 47% 100%

McCain was expected
to win narrowly
E.V. Obama McCain % Rpt.

15 Ga. 47% 52% 99%
3 Mont. 47% 50% 100%
3 N.D. 45% 53% 100%
5 W.Va. 43% 56% 100%

Obama was expected
to win narrowly
E.V. Obama McCain % Rpt.

9 Colo. 54% 45% 100%
7 Iowa 54% 45% 100%
10 Minn. 54% 44% 100%
5 Nev. 55% 43% 100%
4 N.H. 54% 45% 100%
5 N.M. 57% 42% 100%
21 Pa. 55% 44% 100%
13 Va. 53% 46% 100%
10 Wis. 56% 42% 100%

E.V. Obama McCain % Rpt.

55 Calif. 61% 37% 100%
7 Conn. 61% 38% 100%
3 Del. 62% 37% 100%
3 D.C. 93% 7% 100%
4 Hawaii 72% 27% 100%
21 Ill. 62% 37% 100%
4 Me. 58% 41% 100%
10 Md. 62% 37% 100%
12 Mass. 62% 36% 100%
17 Mich. 57% 41% 100%
15 N.J. 57% 42% 99%
31 N.Y. 62% 37% 99%
7 Ore. 57% 41% 97%
4 R.I. 63% 35% 100%
3 Vt. 68% 31% 100%
11 Wash. 57% 41% 93%

Bible Belt States, Notice the trend???? I not fudging these facts people. I'm simply explaining the truth.....


Eduardo Guize said...

Fame comes with a lot of good things but also hate. Hate, jealousy, people dissing other people to fight boredom, whatever you wanna call it.

Have you tried ignoring them? I understand you get hurt and upset but by reacting to it you give them what they want, and it never stops. Let them talk.


Anonymous said...

Sorry but Obama didn't win because one group catapulted him into the White House. He won by reaching broad groups of people. He didn't just speak to one group, he spoke to all. You could learn from Barack.