Friday, March 09, 2007

BAD TIMES BAD TIMES

Well, not much to say for the Title it means what it says. Ever since I came back from the Gayvn awards Life has pretty much sucked. How so??? Since I opened my big mouth talking about my relationship. Things have went down hill since then, hence Im no more longer in that relationship right now, and we both are hating each other at this point. What happened???? Without going into the details, we just have grown apart and things have changed for the worse. So for the past weeks, I havent left my bed and sit in my house everyday just watching Tv and trying to put the pieces together.
Am I sad??? Not really Im at the stage right now when I have to move on and get my Life back on track. My problems were doubled last week, cause I had the Flu and really didnt have the energy to do anything. So to those people, who noticed that my phone was off. I had service shut down cause there was just too many things going on at the same time. So there I was sitting in my house, sick as a dog and feeling like shit cause of the breakup. Dark Times, I couldnt really explain what was going on with me. One min Im riding high and loving Life and the next min, Im so low to the ground I could just die.
So I had to take some time off from Escorting, Shows, and generally I didnt want to be around People. When Im upset, I carry this negative energy with me and just make people feel either uncomfortable or nervous around me. To my Ex(cause they read my blog) I really loved ya. But after 4years I shouldnt have to teach ya How to Love me.. Thanks for supporting me all these years. U was there for my Grandmoms death, u stuck with me through thick and thin back then. But when we started this relationship, I had to teach ya how to be affectionate. I had to teach ya How to Love another Human Being. I had to teach ya How to speak with ur Heart rather than ur Brain. There are Certain things that I shouldnt have to teach ya, they should be there. We both did things to each other that were not Nice. Maybe I was Lieing to myself the past year and we were just going through the motions of a relationship that was already over!!! Who knows??? I wish I could be ur Friend at this point, but I cant!! I have to let ya go and experience Life on ur own Terms now. Love can turn to Hate(that is this case)and right now I Hate ya!!!. I have to tell myself to Hate ya cause Ur Living ur Life right now dangerously. U have no self control and no self respect. U play on my Weakness and use it against me, U have proved time after time that U are a Liar!!!! I love ya for taking me when I was at the lowest point of my Life and shining Light on me. But I hate ya for what ur becoming, Ur actin selfish, controlling and childish. I will no longer take the blame for Ur "Problems". Ur smart, witty, and enjoyable when we are around people. But that is a Front and its Fake, u dont respect Me or Urself. U once were the Love of my Life, but now U are my Foe. Ur actions are Toxic to me and I dont want to be around ya anymore.
So there u have it people, thats why I have been MIA for the past couple of weeks. Sick from Flu and Sick from Heart break. But.......... IM BACK NOW!!!!!!!!
If I didnt go to the gym everyday and workout this anger, I think I would have hurt somebody or myself. There u go people, finally some real emotion coming out of me. Im not Speaking as Diesel, Im speaking Like Someone who got his Heart Broken .

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Diesel.. Im throwing no shade, but what do you expect. You can't be serious about a relationship. I mean when I read your blog its sounds like you are the perfect partner and then I had to snap out of it.. your a porn star. you can't be faithful to one person. you are the epitome of filth. Sure you look good on the outside, but you are a disgrace to the African American Race. You are a disgrace to your entire family. Going to PORN AWARD SHOWS and you thinks thats cute..Out of all the opportunities life has to offer you chose to be a porn star. So answer this you think its cool to lick and slop on dicks and think its OK to go home to a partner and think everything is ok.. thats crazy. you will never amount to nothing.. next you will be so desperate you will start doing RAW PORN and then you will be another dead brother.. cause those white people feeding you a few coins here and there don't give a shit about you..

AnthoNYC said...

Hi Diesel, it's Anthony - the overly excited boy that touched your chest tonight at the last night of Roxy.

Again, I love your performance in Boiler - it's all about you keeping the gloves on - very very hot!

If I had more time I wanted to say I'm sorry about your breakup. I've been there and I know how hard it is.

But tonight was the end of an era at Roxy and we all have to move on I guess. Better things will come. For all of us.

Now back to you and the gloves!...

Anthony xxx

Diesel Washington said...

To the Hater Fuck u, to the guy at the club glad u had a chance to see me in action and I hope u had a good time last night. Much Love and thanks for the support. And yes the gloves stay on when Im pounding hole.

Anonymous said...

diesel my names eliot jones from maryland i like to wish you all the very best your one of the only few brothers i see out there in porn that looks great and whos a man 247(anonymous is a fool) but i guess the world is full of them.keep up the great work your doing my brother

dogboyNYC said...

your boy is dumb as fuck.. i hope he realizes how lucky he was to be able to get with you and be intimate with you. he should've listened to you and done whatever it took to keep you happy