Tuesday, March 27, 2007

COME CLEAN!!!!

Well breakups are hard, but u have to do what u have to do. Come Clean I must be real for a second.. I have read over my last bloggings and I do have to admit I come off quite Angry. In real time I have been carrying this energy with me as well, and I dont like the person I have become. I thought I was ready to jump into things again, but I didnt have the time to get away and just think about where My life is going. Picture a Big Black Man pissed off walking around the city, and the city is a Beast!! I went back to meeting people, and if its sex(no emotional attachments)Im fine and have a great time!!! But when it comes to getting to know a Person, I tend to get overly wrapped into "Things', I then lash out on People for simple mistakes, lapses in judgements and things that were out of their control, things happen!! So to the People who read this Blog, Sorry Big Daddy is taking some time off.
Dont worry Im going down South with Family so I will have all the time in the world to make things right. When I took time off before, I came back so refreshed and ready to work and that time was golden. So to my Clients Vacation time!!! My fans Vacation Time. One whole week without a phone, computer and work. Dont worry though, Im Loving doing Porn(that wont change) I dont have drugs or booze problems, Im healthy, I just need some time away from Diesel, Porn, People. Oh to those who email saying that I need some work, when it comes to writing.......... I dont write this as a Piece, I tend to write off the fly(whatever that means)so sometimes I dont have time to Spell check or form my words to ur likings.
Okay I have to really get this off my Chest, Am I gay or Bi? that question comes up over and over. I have said I was Bi(8 or 9 blogs full)and Single. This blog is about coming Clean!!!! Out and Dating:
Dating I find to be sometimes exciting and then sometimes just a fucked up experience. I have never been the dating type. Coming into this Lifestyle, I have had plenty of onetimers, and some repeat, and some to this day are still around. But I say they were Friendships bulit on Sex(meaning the first time I met that person we fucked)and its cool hanging out and try to do the"Dating Thing".
I met A Rising Porn Actor(In other blog it was another Porn Star who just got fat when he used to be skinny). I wasnt familar with his work, cause it was with a Shitty Company. We met and hooked up, the fucking sex rocked and I dont usually say that(picky fucker). I wanted to see more of this kid, he was a performer and had the talent and the looks. Looks except one major flaw, the body. His body needs to be tighter and he is working on it hard. Now this is where the story changes, when U"HookUP" on ur first meeting. There is alot of things that are left out of the convo(like name, where u live, what do ya do for Living??)its usually right to sex. So imagine sitting across the table starting a convo with a guy u dont know, trying to get to know, and all u have is Sex on the Mind!! Confuses the brain sometimes, ur starting backward and I just couldnt get the flow without the sex. What does that mean?? U had really hot sex with a Person who u dont know. Ur in the getting to know each other phase(I guess)and Ur true Personalities Clashes. When Ur naked, U click like animals and the sex is hot and intense. But u Fight like Dogs and Cats and Clash when u speak to each other???? I would say just keep Fucking and have little to no, conversations. But the tide changed, and this Rising Star was more interested in getting to know each other, and wanted to hold off on the Fun part(was too tired from the gym to play). Then Tides changed even more, being witty and clever he started convos with"Since we are working out together, Do Ya expect me always to play with ya after the Gym??" My brain was saying"Hell Fucking Ya!!, What U think!!, Every Fucking Day!!" Since this wasnt a Fuck ya Dump ya thing. I stated"We dont always have to fuck man but Ur giving me Ideas" All down hill from there, the sex was hot and then u take it away from Daddy. Its like giving the Dog a Fresh Tbone steak, and then next day U give him Kibbles and Bits Ur dog is going to look at ya and be like "Okay this is what ur giving me today" So needless to say, I was alittle pissed and took some anger out on him, when he didnt deserve it. So I have to Come Clean.
Well On a interesting note there is Story on me in the New York Times(well two days ago) I like good attention and here is some good attention http://www.nytimes.com/2007/03/25/nyregion/thecity/25gay.html?pagewanted=1&_r=3 where they write about me is on page 3. So I get away for a week and still leave ya something to read about me. Cause Im not leaving for good its just a Week is all.

2 comments:

brmerrick said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Thanks for the posting in your professional and personal work. I love your scenes that ya in from Titan!