DIESEL WASHINGTON THE DOUCHE

Me and Eric at GayVn 2006

Ryan Raz

TJ HAWKE AND DIESEL WASHINGTON
Okay I can admit it SOMETIMES I'M A DOUCHE!!! THERE I SAID IT!!!

I wrote about all this drama about my scene partner......Eric Rhodes..drama drama drama!!!

AND U KNOW WHAT I CAUSED ALL THAT DRAMA MYSELF!!! I CAN ADMIT IT!!

So this is on record to those I offended, My Bad!!!!

I was pissed that Eric didn't want to work with me(FAR FROM THE CASE!!!)... And my Ego couldn't handle it!! What I did forget...being a Fan of Porn myself.. that Eric has done a One on One scene with Mark Williams(Hustle and Cruise) and also a three way with Damian Holt(AfterParty)so pretty much a pattern of Eric getting fucked by Men of Color has been established......I didn't remember that!!! And then here would come Diesel Washington coming right behind....not a good idea on both of Our parts. Forgetting at the same time, Falcon gave me my own scene!!! With a Partner of my choice...So Why am I Bitching????? I'M AN ASSHOLE!!!!

So Me and Eric had a "Long Talk" and I realized that I was being a total Ego freak...Wow I never thought it would happen... We talked over things... Plain and Simple...Big Misunderstanding!!!! I respect Eric highly, so that whole Drama is Squashed!!!!!! I played that situation like an Asshole......... but at least I was Man Enough to admit my mistake and apologize to Eric(and Online) I talk alot of trash sometimes on people......this time around...I was the Asshole!!!

And my Scene Partner.....Ryan Raz.....Our drama was settled on the Set!!! The Kid took ALOT!!!!! Hes a true Pro!!!

And when I think about it.....the model he was chasing was TJ Hawke..... COULD I BLAME HIM!???!!!

TJ Hawke is so..... Fucking Hot me....sure hes cute. hot body. Smile, Eyes, but I had a chance to hangout with him....FUCK FUCK!!! I love his energy and We are Alike in alot of ways.... I had to fight myself a couple of times not to just grab him and throw him around.... But Hes a Top!!! I still had to grab him though!!!! Its all Love!!! Big shout out to ya TJ(I know Ur reading this Now!!) Dude we Def chilling....

Lastly.... A Close Friend that was helping me out and trying to find me work... Is upset that I went out on my Own to find Gigs.... I'm sorry Bro.... I know Ur a busy Man....I didn't mean to disrespect ya!! I used Ur Advice and Ur my Mentor.... But at the Same time I had to take Charge of My Own Path doing this Porn thing... I respect U highly...My Ego has grown sadly(I lost focus)....... I KNOW I'M NOT GODS GIFT TO PORN!!

I was some guy that jerked off watching Porn as a teenager and adult and told myself I want to do that... In fact, not only will I do it....but I will try to be the best at it or at least, cause some waves and make a Name for myself...

I lost sight of my vision in the first place.... I always point my fingers at the Divas, and High Maintenance and say that would never happen to me!!!

And now I'm turning into one of those types!!! Yuck!!! Yuck!!!

Thank God I have regained my sanity now....... NO MORE EGO!!! NO MORE THINKING THE WORLD REVOLVES AROUND ME!!!

I'm a professional... I work hard and just want to have some fun and make friends along the way!!! Lost Sight of that!!

When I started this blog.... It was before the Big Movies... before I signed with Titan.... it all started the day I told myself that I wanted to be a Porn Star..... Grass roots up!!! I didn't become a Porn Star and THEN started writing a blog... Readers know I was in the Gym training for this... Eating right....Watching Classic films...running and boxing, setting up shows, learning the Business and Craft...(Look back to the first post on this blog).

I write this blog, so U know for Yourself... how I got into industry, the movies, the parties, the awards, the travels..

I also write this blog, for myself.....

I go through hard times and good times.....but I try to show through this Blog that I'm human!!!! I have issues and baggage like everybody else.... Maybe I'm in the Movies, Rape fucking some person, Peeing over Trucks, Wild positions!!! but I wake up with problems and bullshit like everybody else!!!

I'm very Raw on my Blog..... it comes from writing this thing on the Fly... I don't reread it over and over and watch everything I say, Or try to Censor myself.... If I'm in a bad mood U will sense that reading the blog. If I'm in a good mood u can sense that as well.

But its an Honest Blog with Raw feelings and emotions in it...

I can only be Human!!