Tuesday, November 18, 2008

ITS LIKE HIGH SCHOOL ALL OVER AGAIN!!

I will be the first one to admit to the World......... I have Anger Issues!!!! To those who know me, U know this is the case!!!

Its the little things in Life that are bothering me....... Its strange, Major problems I can handle and its no Big Deal for me.. but the small stuff seems to bug me more and more lately!!!

I should take the High road and not let it phase me, but it seems that is not the case, I'm carrying around alot of the anger, and I'm noticing that its effecting my Life in a Neg way....

More than ever, People are starting to annoy me..... It reflects in my writing and handling daily business. I guess noticing the problem is a good thing... I just need to move on and not let it rule my Life....

People know I pour myself into this blog.... and now is one of those times!!!

I'm on the set today, taking my stills and everything is going smoothly.......

I run into my Scene partner and we talk for a few..... I notice him checking out another model, Flirting around and THAT DOESN'T bother me!!! What bothers me is that He is highly attracted to that model, and we are in the same movie!!.He is following him around, getting touchy and feely and even trying to blow him...Even though we Still have a scene to shoot. I guess I'm being a Douche, and having Control Issues.....Or???

Jealous???? Of course, I will admit that right off the bat!!!! When the company showed me his picture to approve if I wanted to do a scene with him. I was excited, hes a goodlooking guy and a Power Bottom, so its a No brainer that I wanted to work with him. Although He has never seen my work, or did any research on me..... I guess I'm the only one that does research!!! Ouch!!!

I guess I'm being a Big Cry baby writing this blog about How I'm feeling!!! I don't know if there is "Chemistry" between me and my scene partner beccause of this.... Esp sensing that yet another model is just working with me(coming off another shoot recently)for the Check!!! We all work for the Check!!! The other model doesn't have to be into me(I guess), but it helps!!! Esp when I'm into them.... but I DON'T show him that.... Argh!!! its strange that I'm even writing a blog about this, but its bothering Me!!!

As far as High school Shit, I have been hanging out alone in my Hotel room. I always do this for scenes, so I save up my energy and handle business....

Not to talk shit, but an Exclusive model for the company I'm filming with. Tried to pull the MVP bullshit on me, Ummmmm I'm not having it!!!! U can talk to everybody else like they are on Ur Dick or U intimidate them!!! But I'm far from being intimidated....... Ego Ego Ego!!! Two Big Guys both with Egos, not a good look!!! I really don't give a shit though!!!! Don't tough talk me because Ur an Exclusive!!!! He thinks that since I'm no longer an Exclusive model that I'm no longer on my game, Dude I MADE THE CHOICE TO GO FREE AGENT!!!!

Next day on set, I will keep to myself....... And just handle business........

Life is so different being a Free Agent!!!

I think I'm just Nuts and taking things too personal!!!! But there is no blueprint to read on How to handle Yourself on a Porn set!!!

Rub it Off Ur shoulders, Diesel its a small thing!!!!

I'm a Pro, and my work will speak for itself!!!

I like when people/things are against me.....

So I have to deal with a Big Ego on Set, my scene partner being into another model...... and Me letting all of this bother me.......

So it feels like High school again, I'm walking into the Lunch room as a Freshman in high school and the popular Kids wont let me sit at the Lunch table. Yeah I don't know anybody, but I paid my Dues in this business, and wont let "THIS SMALL STUFF" bother me...

I guess I just needed to Vent.... I feel alittle better now....

Tomorrow I will ignore the Ego, and My Scene Partner will be out of commission for a few days after I'm done with them!!!!!!

Losing my Mind....... 1 more year as a model and then I'm done!!

Bye Bitches

3 comments:

thegayte-keeper said...

well the thing to do is get into the scene do your thing and F&CK real good

inebriation said...

you should just take all that frustration out on your scene partner, and show him why he should be attracted to you.

T said...

quit and go work with Forbidden Funk man. them mainstream joints ain't even worth it.