Josh Slyman selffucking and getting plowed by Rod Daly
Kayl O’Riley and Antonio Biaggi
A New model named Carter on Corbin Fisher
Everybody retiring.... Trevor Knight, Tommy D
So long weekend planned I have alot on my mind, I was going to do this "Read" about the Industry!! And I'm tired!! I'm working out at the gym trying to release that Neg energy, running longer on treadmill, and StairMaster!!
I'm here and I had to post something, writing helps Me relax and I get to just let my fingers feel the pain. It's cool...
Lets Me bring up this party, I can sometimes be Cocky!! Outspoken as a person I have faults like everybody else. I'm not afraid to get on this blog and express myself because I live in the real world.
The real world is complex, ever changing and sometimes the ride is going to be bumpy. So far my path has been(there is that word again)nothing but potholes(LOL)a bumpy ride would be a "Good" thing right about now!!.
To all the people who sent my emails giving Me support!! Thank you so much, I'm here still writing and still posting for you. It's going to be a long weekend!!
Alot of footage to get and getting ready for the show, going over the staging! I'm sure Hustlaball is going to be insane!! I have to go to the WAKE first and then head over to Hustlaball. I have to get the show ready right???
Now somebody else would drop out of the show to handle Family business!!
Work distracts Me and its something I need right now, I have done my crying!! All weekend I have been quiet and keeping to myself. I let go of all the pain!!! I'm just trying to maintain and keep things moving.
How could I go from a Wake and then Host Hustlaball???
I have such a strong duality to my brain, I'm willing to go through the emotional pain of losing my grandfather. It will hurt, it will be nothing but tears and it will tear Me apart!! I will be tired and worn out.
Then the harsh reality of having to Host a Show on stage with a huge audience watching.....
Bam I will be slammed back into Reality of What Is Now!! There is a show of naked Men about to start and I have to play host. Life goes on, I was hired to bring my Personality and get onstage and Rock It!!
That is the only thing, that sucks about being in the entertainment business. You my Fans know that my grandfather passed!! I'm not happy!! But I will go to Hustlaball and turn out the Show!! Making sure I have a Strong Performance!! Cause the people in attendance will have no idea that I just came from a Wake!! They are only looking to be entertained!!!
You see this picture??
Look at my eyes!!! They are alittle bloodshot!! You know What that was from???? I believe about being honest on this blog!! Just look at my eyes!!!
Earlier I was "Crying"(If I smoked a blunt I would say so, real tears) on set because I had the worst panic attack on set. The Bi polar thing kicked into overdrive.....
As I said, I found out hours before a scene that the model I was suppose to work with, tried to use fake test results and wind up testing POS because he was tested before our scene.
I freaked out!! It was such a hard journey to get these two scenes together for the site! One guy backed out last min, some models didn't have the right look. It was coming down to the wire with the two scenes. This was the last straw!! I had a nice long cry....
I balled out!! I was with Howard and Gio and I just was brought to tears!! Howard was sensing that something was wrong!! Gio kept questioning the model about his test results, it wasn't stamped, had no address!! It just looked like a fraud!! Howard was like "Well lets have Him go Test"
I started crying because at that moment I was like "Wow" if it wasn't for Howard and Gio I would have put myself in a "Situation" My brain already moves 100 miles a minute, and I was about to breakdown. I wasn't worried about working with someone who is HIV POS..
Let Me make that known!! I have dated Men who were HIV POS
The fact that he tried to use fake Test results, knowing that He was already HIV POS. He was told upfront that this site tests its models, why would he put himself in that situation anyway??
If you know the site tests, and the fake results are not working, and they are about to send you to testing.. Wouldn't that be the end of the matter?? Like okay okay... I lied! But No!!! They still go to get tested!! To confirm what they already know??
That is some scary stuff!!
Anyway!! I just thought I would reveal that to some people. Its weird because I look at the picture and say "Yeah I was crying that day!!Look at my eyes!!" But some of the fans are like "Hot Body" "Damn" "Looking Good!!"
Porn is funny sometimes!!
What does this have to do with going to a Wake and then to Hustlaball???
It doesn't matter What my eyes look like...As long as the body is on point the Show will go on regardless......
And you will like it..
Even if I'm emotionally drained..