I'm really tired of this Bromance shit....
1. A non-sexual relationship between two men that are unusually close.
I have way too many situations of this occurring time after time. To boil it down, I have tons of totally Str8(I had to put the emphasis on that)friends that I spend quality time with...
No sexual tension, pressure or the feelings of passing that point that in the relationship(having sex) The energy is amazing and that strong connection is there. Yet..
You never go past that point, well.....
That's a hard subject to talk about, training at the gym causes you to be more open minded. It's not uncommon for Trainers to massage each other(sports wise)and when you train with a person for 2hours a day, 5 days a week. You develop that physical closeness with a person. Bah Bah.
All my friends know I do porn(Hello you Broke Asses!!Who are reading this)Yet anytime I lay on the couch, bed, futon(whatever) You fucking guys keep touching Me, Stop leaning on Me!! Stop brushing you arm against mine!! I really mean that in a good way, and my bark is worse than my bite, but still that touchy feely stuff is bugging Me...
All my friends are Hot, Cute, Funny, Down to earth and honest as all hell. Fuck!!! I love you Fuckers!!(Bromance)
How to explain it?? Example Hmmm? This is my most recent Bromance:
You go to a party that mutual friends are throwing, You spot your "Vision of Beauty" He's Hot Hot Hot Hot!!!! You have heavy eye contact in passing, but that is all!! You ask your friend who is hosting the party "Who is that?" Your friend says "Oh that's -----, He's cool as fuck!!But he's str8" Now I know your reading this, and your thinking the same thing I am "Yeah Right" but I'm very close with my friends. They Def wouldn't steer Me wrong, so I took that for face value.
Vincent(lets call him that)comes up to Me and starts talking about the characters on my Tshirt(Was wearing my Marvel tee)and that lead to Movies, Comic Books, Toys anyway....
Dazed and Confused moments later, We are walking around and hanging out like We had been friends forever!! What was strange about the situation, no sexual talk(Gay/Str8)which was kinda of weird?? There is always some talk of a sexual nature when males are conversing, wheter it's "Did you see Debbie? She looks hot!!" or "Did you see Dave?, He looks hot!!" Your at a party and everybody is relaxing, vibing and there are alot of Hot Men and Women around. But that type of talk wasn't there..
Here comes the Reality check. We have been hanging out together tight, all of the sudden some girl comes running up to Vincent questioning his whereabouts. Ding Ding!! It was his girlfriend Dawn(lets call her that)he makes sure everything is cool with her. He then introduces his girlfriend to Me, I have to be honest I was alittle annoyed at her but at the same time, Dawn is a beautiful person!! She immediately warmed up to Me and I instantly became a Third Wheel(In a good way)It's weird I wanted to feel jealous, but at the same time I enjoyed Dawn's company(Still do)but...
I enjoy Vincents company alittle more(no offense to Dawn)and she knows that because She gives Us "Alot of alone time" that night. We exchanged numbers at the party, and built a strong friendship.
Fast Forward 2years
Vincent knows everything about Me(Family, Friends, Porn)and We are very comfortable together. Now!!! Vincent is hot!! I mean that is what attracted Me in the first place. We get along like close friends and We can talk about anything. I tell him when he's looking hot and when he's not. I train him in the gym, so of course I'm making his body hotter and hotter(which is killing me) I give him massages(Which suck cause his trust is in Me)and I never go pass that point where it would feel uncomfortable. We have slept in the same bed together(Shit I have slept with Vincent and Dawn together)We are very very open with each other. Dawn has watched a few of my porns(So has Vincent)and they gave Me pointers. I have seen them both naked(Vincent looks amazing)so I saw it all!!
The problem in all of this???
I started to get sexually attracted to Vincent recently, and it's really bothering Me!! I expressed my concerns to Vincent and it doesn't seem to bother him. When I'm giving Vincent massages, my dick is hard as a rock. To drive the point home, I point my dick in his direction and say "Dude I'm Rock hard!!" and his response??????
"Dude you have given Me massages before, and My dick was hard!!. But the fact of the matter is, that you have your own sexuality and I have mine!! I trust you to respect the fact that even though We are very very close that is the way it is. I love Dawn!!But I also care for you very deeply, So its Cool"
Ummm okay?????
At this point I feel guilty as hell, I talk to Dawn and tell her about the situation. Her response "Vincent told Me your popping boners while giving him a massage". I have no shame so I'm like "Yup"and she asks me "Are you in Love with Him??" I said "Hell No!!(which is the truth)Her response "So everything is cool then, if Vincent doesn't mind then its like, Whatever!! We are all friends here"
Of course I put everything on the table and told Dawn "I wasn't the only one hard Dawn"
Again I was shocked at her response "Hes always hard, he loves Me and he's str8. He likes you alot because he looks up to you. You guys have so many things in common and sometimes I get jealous of that closeness. Your my friend, but he is MY boyfriend so respect that and I will respect that special friendship you have with him"
Ummm okay????
Now I don't know what to do?? Vincent is hot as fuck, and doesn't mind that I developed a sexual attraction for him. I mean what do you do when a str8 guy doesn't mind you having a sexual thing for them??? What do you do when they look up to you??? What do you do when they trust you??? I'm not trying to convert anybody esp when they are friends. I started to keep my distance from Vincent, but now I'm making him feel uncomfortable because He thinks that I don't want to be his friend anymore!! * Sigh
I have been practicing self control, but the urges are getting stronger and stronger. We get along so well as friends, and I always enjoy hanging out with Vincent. But I'm starting to get mentally tired of this Bromance shit.
Could Vincent be Str8 and curious??? Maybe...
He did say he got hard once or twice while I gave him a massage. But that means nothing, I got hard when I was given a massage before(from someone I wasn't attracted to at all)and I saw no big deal in that. I
I kissed Vincent a few times(on the lips)but I kissed Dawn(on the lips)as well. All three of us made out a few times, but it was always being playful.
I guess I will continue to suffer because I don't want to lose Vincent as a friend. Even though the situation doesn't bother him, it bothers Me.
I just wanted to Vent this.....
I fucking hate Bromances!!!!
18 comments:
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:-)
Thanks!
Very well-put!
I know the situation!
-Peter
i think vincent is definately not str8 but you are not his type sexually..he likes you a lot and admires you and your body.. but thats it.he will come out when he meets the right person he's attraacted to sexually
Wow, what a dilemma.
If you and "Vincent' have made out a few times he is definitely bi curious. However, it is interesting that "Dawn" says shes jealous but will respect the "friendship" you have with him.
Not to mention, the 3 of u made out? Hmm that made things even more difficult i'm sure.
Man...I feel for u, hope you and the two of them can figure something out.
Yo... I had a similar situation. As long as he has her, he can get his! If you have someone, it would be less intense. I am still friends with them but I had to keep my distance. I hope you manage better than I did.
Welcome to the reality of sexual attraction: Confusing as hell! I've been there, but I decided that friendship was more important - even if it would be a wonderful fuck - and many years on, I still have a wonderful and caring friend.
As usual, love what you have to say!! Your friendship with Vince is too important to ever cross the line. Even if he was willing to explore with you, you're taking the chance that he might not feel good with himself about it afterwards. Then what?? True friends are hard to find (even if they are hot)!!
That would kill me too...especially if he kissed me. That's my weakness. I don't know, pa. It sound awfully close to me. You value the friendship, so here's my question. If he suddenly wanted to go beyond the platonic relationship, how would you feel?
I have read your blog from time to time and although there are times I think I should comment, this is the first time I actually feel compelled to write you and offer some advice from someone who has been there on a couple of occasions. I have had a few totally straight friends who have been curious and indulged but not with me. Afterwards they always say the same thing. It was ok but not my thing. They end up resenting the person they did it with probably more out of guilt then anything. Your situation is different though. With the friendship of the girlfriend, you have set up a dynamic that could be the most rewarding friendship you will ever have or one of the worst episodes in your life. Think of it this way. You love someone dearly and you know they love you. They are friends with your friends and vice versa. Now suppose one of your friends, (gay or straight) has a sexual encounter with your love one. You would hate both of them for being untrustworthy, disloyal and unthinking about your feelings no matter how passionate it was between them. This is what you would be doing to Dawn. Then Vincent, now full of guilt for having losing Dawn, will turn on you. Oh, don’t think it would come out?? You have been in this world long enough to know that the truth will always surface, one way or another. Now you are thinking, what if it comes out after Dawn and Vincent time has passed? Same result but this time, Dawn really hates you for keeping a secret like that from her. Her natural thoughts would be, if he did it with Diesel my friend, our friend, whom else did he cheat on me with?? The final thought, Dawn will surmise this and rightly so. Her whole relationship with Vincent was built on a lie and her relationship with you was built on deception. You already know the answer as to what has to be done but are you man enough to sit them both down, talk it out and move on? Yes, you may lose Vincent and Dawn's friendship but even if you do, you have the satisfaction of knowing you were honest and a man in every sense of the word. Chances are you won't lose their friendship but don’t expect it to be as close as it is now, at least for a while. Eventually the lust you feel will dissipate as you move through you life. If not, at least you know you are truly capable of love even if it is unrequited.
N'est ce pa?
Hey, man. Killer blog, by the way. Honestly, dude, my meats gets tough even when a nasty fuck is rubbing me down, so I wouldn't put too much thought into your bud's growing dick. Hell, I've gotten hard when a chick's worked my muscles. I think it's just a guy responding to touch. We're all horny fuckers. LOL
KC
Dear Diesel, I will not tell you that you do in a situation like this, everyone has different actions and decision and nobody has the right to question them.
Particularly I tend to not mix my feelings of friendship with sexual attraction, because this way I lose a good friendship that I can crop year, with someone important in my life.
My grandmother used to tell me: "Adrian, friends are family you choose", which is why I think it's important not to damage the special bond you have with people that in moments you need a hug or a word full of feeling and receives just one of those who are good friends.
So I do not mix these feelings and desires.
I do not want to lose the family that took me so long to find and select.
That's not to say that many I like and I can not feel attracted to them, I just remove my sexual feeling, of, my love as a friend. If I, do not do that, would lose, because this type of situation, that, you describe happen often and all, not just you.
I regret to tell you that there is strength of will and sincere affection for the other will come into play to battle against sexual ardor and confusion.
A big hug.
Adrian .-
Hey - sounds like you are able to be honest with the guy and his girl, so why not slowly open up to him about your deepening feelings. If he's at all inclined he may warm to the idea and it could work for both of you.
Man. You need to spend some of your money on treatment...seriously. Your to implusive. You think just because you say the first thing that comes to your mind that its honest and true. Right now your body is what attracts some people to you. However, your brain is what makes them bolt. You can't be in a relationship acting on impluse. That is childlike, immature and belies the man you should strive to become.
This bothers me about gay men. Why can't we just be friends? Why can't we just be there for one another?
I've known Vincent a lot longer than you. He's just a joker, but I've made the mistake before.
Bi and "str8" guys are always testing the water. They wanna know if you aren't just a dog. If you fuck him and then act like...well...you...then don't expect seconds.
Hi T....looks like that could turn so quickly into a bad experience for all three of you...from what is currently a good one...I kinda feel its a bit of a buzz factor for all three parties, not really fair on all of you really as its not going to go your way probably. For me that would be a scary place to be at...and would back out..Rgds..Laurie
You get paid to have hot sex with really hot guys like yourself! I know that sounds crass, but my point being you aren't exactly suffering in the hot guy department!
30 years from now you will be very grateful for your friends Dawn and Vincent. And Vincent will no longer be hot. Hot is fleeting, a great friendship is not. I am friends with some of my ex's. Is it weird sometimes, sure.
Hot is fleeting. Friendship is not. In 30 years it will mean more to you to have their friendship than you once tricked with Vincent. I feel your pain, but you hardly suffer in the hot sex partners department.
Hey Diesel,
What a fascinating post, and what a difficult situation to find yourself. I too have had to make a similar choice but I was never on such good terms with my straight friend's girlfriend. And this brings me to a question I wish to pose: Why is it that Vincent has to 'risk' everything?
The situation: he is obviously quite comfortable with his identity and sexuality - He is a 'straight' 'man' in a committed 'relationship' with a 'woman' that he 'loves'. All these words refer to a meaningful lived experience for him. As he said to you: "you have your own sexuality and I have mine!" Thus, if he experiments with you he risks all of these stable meanings and truths about who and what he is.
This is one reason why it has become so difficult for people to acknowledge the mobility of desire and the variations of pleasures that we really experience almost everyday, except of course when it comes to erotic desires and pleasures...we're willing to try new foods, new ideas, new styles and fashions of every sort, even sexual positions and actions but not genders or genitals? Why?!
There appears to me one answer: sleep with Dawn (and Vincent) at the same time! Why should he risk his relationship by having sex with you outside his relationship and compromise his "straightness"? If you want him, isn't it better to have a threesome and thus have him in a setting that might make him more comfortable? In other words, compromise your "self", your stable identity if you want to have an ecstatic pleasure, if you want to become someone who did it with Vincent!
As you wrote: "We have slept in the same bed together(Shit I have slept with Vincent and Dawn together). We are very very open with each other. Dawn has watched a few of my porns (So has Vincent) and they gave Me pointers. I have seen them both naked...I kissed Vincent a few times(on the lips)but I kissed Dawn(on the lips)as well. All three of us made out a few times, but it was always being playful."
Well, how much more playing do y'all need to start playing hardcore? This is true of any gay man who desires straight men. We need to be willing to have sex with women (and put ourselves at risk) if we want them (straight men) to start having sex with us!
Well about 93% of all my friends have that thing called str8ness, but the main one that had me off guard is my true first best friend. I came out to him in high school but knew I had something for him since day one when we meet in 6th grade. We would hang out a lot take each other out for our birthdays etc. I did something I never thought I would get to but me being completely honest as to how I felt in any situation and that what kept me sane with him, even when he would open the door wearing nothing but underwear. Things will work it self out rather he is curious and he will let you know but for now just respect where he at for now. If anything happened it will if not then you know the deal. Take a deep breath and let it all go.
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