Lets get to it, first off the bat I won a UnZippy award for Best Blogger...
I was also nominated for Best Porn Star Vampire(Cover of Unzipped Mag) and Best Video(Billy Mays) see here:
http://blog.unzipped.net/2009/12/unzippy-awards-best-blogs.html
Thanks to the guys/girls over there at Unzipped, U guys have shown Me love all year, and I couldn't have gotten this far without U guys. I really owe U guys big time for restarting my career.
I was also Inducted into the Fleshbot Crush Object Hall of Fame, awarded yet again!! The boys and girls over there at Fleshbot have shown Me support also all year long, and even invited to their Fleshbot party here in NYC...THANKS PEEPS!! And when will I get my check for the Freelance Roving Correspondent job??? LOL see here:
http://gay.fleshbot.com/5436812/gay-fleshbots-top-ten-crush-objects-of-2009
I'm so blessed to be embraced by other bloggers and Websites and Web Mags for contributing to this business in some way or fashion. That was the point I was trying to make.
By no means is this post Deep or Sexy or even funny, but I had to post something for the fans because I haven't given you a post for some time.
Moving over to other news......
Yes I'm seeing someone, and I have to be honest....... This shit is hard!!! Dealing with another person that is as equally damaged as yourself...not easy!! The fights and trust issues are off the hook!! Constant battles for attention, that clingy feeling that the other person is sucking the life out of you..The headache of having that intrusion in your life, another body to feed, another mind to train and expand. Always having to share space, time and energy.......
Yet.....
I'm still here!!
The Cub is a Mess!!!Sigh...I really don't know What to do????BUT I'm here now and I want to make things work!! That being said.....good things now.
Seeing the smile of the Cub when We talk to each other, the look in their eyes as they look past the body, cock, face and see your heart and spirit.....
I say the meanest things to them, just to rip their heart out when they hurt Me. Yet the Cub understands its not the Bark that really scares people, its the Bite!! And this old dog is a pure breed!!! I'm rough around the collar and have issues, but they actually care about Me(or at least can put up with Me)its hard to describe.
Think about it, put a Bi polar depression/maina type with another person who is ADHD, who also suffers from depression and anxiety attacks......
You would think that is a big ole mess, that will end badly...........
When I look at the data, and our experiences(growing up) and the unknown factors that pop up(many of them) sexual history(Slutty) and looking at the state of Our lives right now....
Messy Messy!!! But I find comfort in that.....
Life is not easy, so who ever said that there was that phase at the start of a relationship, when it's like a fairy tale(No fights and everything is great)was alittle out of date with things. Smashing two people together I would think is alittle more complicated than it looks. I knew what the instant clash would be, U have to share things and time with another person now. I'm a routine person, I have a ritual of things I do during the day, and now having the Cub around.. I have to make Quality time for the Cub, if people didn't know We live in different states. Diesel is in NYC, and the Cub is in Florida(not that bad)We talk everyday by phone, text, or Skype, basically in that order. There is a morning text, followed by a call(not lately because of recent fight)and then Skype, that is where We spend most of our time.
Yes its a long distance relationship......
The Cub works hard to keep that connection going, constantly texting and calling and leaving emails, and voice mails and as soon as I log online BAM there is the Cub. I call it being stalked by my lover.....U HEAR THAT CUB???UR STALKING ME!! but I don't mind. It shows Me you care!!
The Cub says "I want you" and it rings bells. Its the "I want you" as in I'm that object of their affection and attention, they want in their life. That is way different from the usual "I want you" statement.. which in reality is "I want you In Me" for a period of time(or as in Fuck buddy) until I bust my load and then We go our separate ways kinda of thing(does that make sense??).
I want the Cub because they have potential, Why does the Cub want Me??? because I have potential....
I know it doesn't sound all that Romantic, but I have learned in my life nothing comes easy. If We started everything without problems, then I know it's not real because I have problems and they have problems so of course if there is no problems its not real. The problems now will solve the issues later down the road. Relationships are never easy....
So there you go Cuddly Cud, a real post about us and where We are at now. UR A FUCKING LAVA HOT MESS!!!
But if U can put up with this Hot Mess I guess I can put up with "some" of the Mess U have gotten yourself into lately....
Damn Bear Cubs!!!
P.S. keep fucking up, And I will make a Cub skin rug out of ya!!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment