Wednesday, September 16, 2009

DISPOSABLE PORN STARS ARE WE???

I wanted to do a Serious Post today.......

I read this in one of the comment sections of Unzipped.net:

"i hope none of us look to these human garbage piles who do porn as our moral compass. They are what they are, something for us to use and throw away after we're done, just the cold hard truth."

Fuck!!! I have heard statements like this all the time.......

The Fans of gay porn are just like any other Fan based entertainment.... When U first come into the Industry as a model, everybody loves you, Ur New, Fresh, Innocent faced and people are attracted to that Newness.....

Its like a form of Idol worship..... They pick who they like, and then build them up and put them on this almost God like level...... Over time there is always a newer face coming into this Industry though...

So that model that was treated like a God!! goes from the "IT" Kid to "Not Him" again Kid..... and that is just the way People are. They Idol worship these models only to Discard them or 'THROW THEM AWAY" over time.

I didn't know that I was disposable at any time..........I work too hard to get noticed, I work too hard on my scenes and I work too hard on my blog....

I'm not disposable............in Fact I'm still here People!!! After 3years in this business, I'm still here getting press, doing appearances and living my life.

This business can crush ya!!!!! I had to walk away........The reasons why I Walked:

Because of the Low scene rates

Because of the Hate email I get, Every single day I get it....... sometimes it gets to ya.

I deal with People thinking I'm dirty or some kind of Slut or Skank.....

People think I just use my Looks to get ahead and I have No brains at all.

I have to deal with the Stigma of having done Porn......my Pics and Scenes will be around forever.

I deal with Hate from other models

Constantly being Judged as having an Attitude, or thinking I'm better than People.

Being looked at as a Piece of Meat all the time.....

Relationships being harder to maintain or having a hard time starting a relationship.

Being possibly exposed to certain nasty things out there(crabs,herpes,bah bah bah)

U have a short shelf life in this business before U get overexposed

Companies and Studios have a certain look that they look for.......

I Know certain Jobs I will not be able to get because of Porn past.

I have been told that I would burn in Hell because of my Sexuality esp because its on display for the world to see.

I have been judged by the Black Community for being not Black enough...... I was judged by the White Community for not fitting into the all American type.

I have been called Violent, Trashy and a Headcase by People I have never met. What's worse, People that I'm interested in are warned in advanced(by people who don't know Me) that I'm dangerous or Dirty or Slutty .....I don't understand it!!

I'm been judged on my Ethics and Moral code by People who don't even know me.

The List goes on and on, but this Statement:

"i hope none of us look to these human garbage piles who do porn as our moral compass. They are what they are, something for us to use and throw away after we're done, just the cold hard truth."

God this statement hurt!!! I know I'm nothing but jerk off material to People out there....but to hear it said so coldly......Hurts!!!

So to the Fans, Now U know what Us Porn models go through......It's not the Glam life people think it is. Maybe that is Why alot of Models have a hard time settling back into regular life after having done Porn.

U come in feeling like a God, and when U leave....... U feel...... Used up, Dirty, and ignored....... We are told just to Retire or just Fade Away or worse..... We keep trying to find jobs in an Industry that is built on Youth, We become Jaded and then have to suffer through the Anxiety of competing with Younger guys who might not have as much talent as We do but they are a Fresh face unseen on Camera, so that alone makes them more valuable as a model then a Veteran ........

On a brighter note..... since there is a recession...... Some studios want a model with some experience.... They can't risk bringing in right off the street models because budgets are tight...time is money. They can't afford to train models(camera angles, not cumming too fast, and learning the stop and go of filming)so there is still work to be found.....but the game is hard to play.

I wanted to write this post, I'm told over and over that all I'm good for is Sex!!! It sticks in Ur head sometimes......

I have alot more to give someone besides Sex, I have a brain, emotions and feelings. I have a Big heart!!!

We Porn Stars do have Feelings..... And We get hurt like everybody else.


There is no retirement plan for most, there is no insurance for any, there is no 401K plans. We have all these things against Us...... At least We can be looked at as Entertainers, not some disposable trash that U discard after your use.

I'm done ranting.....

My feelings were hurt today that's all........

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dear Ed....ref I have been told that I would burn in Hell because of my Sexuality esp because its on display for the world to see." I suggest you read "Job" by Robert a Heinlein...science fiction with a religious theme.. don't worry Mate Hells got a bar..hehe...read on..

btw getting odd error trying to use my Gmail account..Laurie

Anonymous said...

Dear Ed..that comment you mentioned..I guess there are some real creepy people out there..are u just jack off material..not now that I can get to know the person behind the character...I must admit I discovered that with another gay porn star..darn cant think of his name...muscular body/big PA/partnered with well known bloke but they have split up now..saw a photo on his web site at his gym job and suddenly he was a real person, not just the fantasy character on vids.... wish I could say I hadn't thought like that previously but I did...I know alot better now..Rgds..Laurie


aaarrgh..getting that silly error again "bX-rad7bp"..Rgds Laurie

Jason said...

OK, so...
This is the first time i have ever commented or felt it necessary to comment but, damn you kinda got me down here bro. People like that are goddamn fuck-tards and I dont say that to marginalize them or brush them aside but that type of thinking, that a persons chosen profession somehow makes them less-than or sub-human, is fucked and retarded.

The fact that someone like that got to you, even a little, sucks. I hope you realize, that type of thinking is the minority though it tends to be more vocal. Those detractors/haters HAVE to speak up, no matter what they HAVE to make time, it's like a biological imperative or something, whereas the supporters/fans (who outnumber them) have other things to do in their lives and don't always have the time to vocalize support (this would be where I fit in) but they are there.

For what it's worth, I may not know you but I think I know OF you and what you've shown, which are all characteristics of a MAN. A man I would be proud to use as a moral compass.


good luck and keep your head up dude :)

Marc Porter said...

Hi

Im Marc, I write for the gay press in Australia and I have my own gay porn blog called Neon (of which I have put a link to your site on mine).

This post was very interesting, I hope your feelings are no longer hurt.

Be strong, you do good work and should be proud.

YOU ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!
DAMN YOU'RE HOT AND SMART.

James said...

This is the one thing I'm trying to understand about ya. On one hand you can dish it out with complete brutality. On the other, you are quick to take offense. Not trying to be rude here but why are you sensitive?

Tinjar said...

Shitt!!! time after time you shock me and thrill me Diesel!! I had no idea the industry was that cynical and raw, nor that the way you end up was that brutal.How do you manage to even stand up?! Amazing Diesel, amazing, you are one true Idol, one to look up to and respect!! Not because of your dick size, big arms or six pack, but for your knowledge,your clever and bright mind and that sharp tounge of yours! One gifted gifted gifted man! You thrill me Diesel! Man, you inspire! Love K