DIESEL WASHINGTON MEETS MASON WYLER!!

God....sometimes I love my Job....Finally a face to face with Mason Wyler..... It sucked!!! I wanted to grope Him at the awards...but I was in a pissed off mood so I chatted with him and went on my Way!!!

Oh but I ran into Mister Wyler at the Afterparty...... I rushed him and tackled him, picked him up in the Air and tossed him around alittle bit....

Sadly I was with Zac(San Fran bitchboy)so I roughed up Mason abit, talked briefly and headed out of the After Party!!

Mister Wyler is taller than I thought He would be.... Also hotter in Person than on Film!!!! Yummy!!!!

Whats even funnier, when I first approached Him at the GayVn's I grabbed him when he was walking past Me!! He had this scared Look in His face when I grabbed him!!! I introduced Myself to Him!!! And watching His face click when He realized Who I was!!! Priceless....

Mason, the Look on Ur Face when We met..... dude If we were ever to do a scene together U would be a deer in the headlights to Me!!! And I would Run Ur little Ass over!!! U claim U like it rough...but all I saw was Fear in those Eyes!!!

Which would make the scene even Hotter!!! Real Fear!!

U cant catch a Face like that On film.......

GAYVN AWARDS!!!

Okay as everybody knows I knew about the Winners the Night before..... I wasnt going to go to the Awards....but Mommy Washington wanted to go.

I put on the Monkey Suit and headed over to Castro...

Sorry I wanted to take more Pics...but I really wasnt in the Mood to take Pictures but I took some.

Highlite was meeting Jack Simmons, The Man is my Living legend!!!!! He break alot of doors for African Americans in this Industry and I was Honored meeting Him!!!

TITAN PARTY AT HARVEY'S

I stopped over at Harvey's for the Titan Party....I dont know, the Vibe didnt feel right..... I was talking to Dean Flynn and just hanging out.... I dont know since Im no longer a Titan Exclusive it seemed that I was crashing the Titan party.....

It was just a few months ago when I would have joined the party and chilled with everybody!!! It felt kinda of strange to be there...so I stopped in real fast and then jetted to the next party....

MOBY DICK WITH BARRETT LONG

As everybody knows Diesel and Barrett get along... we always go to the same functions so it was fate that We became friends...At first meeting I didnt get along with Barrett. Over time I grew to know the real Barrett so as most People say.... Barrett is my brother from another Mother....

It is always great hanging out with Barrett and Mike(assistant)Im sure Diesel and Barrett will be working together....real soon(I look forward to it)

Big Shout Out to Barrett, U had Me stoned the whole weekend!!!!

Mike Ur so my Puppy boy.... all U need is alittle petting every Now and then and U will be fine!!LOL

THE EDGE: RAGING STALLION PARTY

Okay Raging Stallion Party.... Boy the Models were out in numbers this weekend. Loved seeing all my boys..... Jason Ridge, RJ Davers, Ricky Sinz, Tristian Jaxx, Logan McCree, Vinny D, Anthony B, Tristian P, almost all the Raging Stallion boys were out there in Numbers... Had a great time.

Q BAR FALCON PARTY

I then stopped by the Falcon Party, the place was packed and the place to be.... Wow I had a good time and just was hanging out... The place was packed and I needed air...I had One drink and then It was over to the Raging Stallion Party.

The Sword was in the House and all the boys from Falcon was there. TJ Hawke, Roman Heart, Eric Rhodes, Ben Bradley Big Shout to Falcon.... Insane party!!!

HOW I ROLL PARTY WITH STEVEN CRUZ

Okay Due to all the bullshit I haven't had time to really put the trip to San Fran in the right perspective, I usually break it down into all the places I went and all the parities that I attended.

So I'm going back, and fixing the posts the way they should be reported!!!

Damn so many Hot guys around, so little time..... Steven Cruz, Bruno Bond, Scott Tanner, Johnny Gunn, Paul Wagner, Ross Hurston, Vince Ferrilli, Tony Dimarco, Josh, Ty and all the People there, had a great time(Sorry was Late)

THANKS MOMMY WASHINGTON, ZAC, NAKEDSWORD FANS EVERBODY!!!

Okay, everybody knows that I write this blog on the fly, and I can come out and Vent and Vent!!! But I seem to be forgetting the Fans of the Blog and the Fans of Diesel Washington....

THANKS TO ALL THE PEOPLE THAT SUPPORTED ME!!!!

I needed a Big reality check this weekend and it was given to me. Granted I said my peace about things and things that I didnt like......

To My Man Ricky Sinz U rock Bro... I was out of line at some of the things that I said and I can be a Man and Say Sorry!!!Yeah I was Jealous...I will admit that!!! But at the same time, We are Friends...and I shouldnt get all Bitchy about Some Award...

To NAKEDSWORD...Wow I came off as such an Asshole in the Last Couple of Days about Shit and I was Pissed that night at Awards and at the After Party!! I tried to Cover Up what I was feeling..... But I guess I didnt do a Good Job of it! I usually have Fun and like to talk and Hangout with People... but I was just out of it!! To Paul from Nakedsword....Ur a cute motherfucker!!! In my Anger, I didnt keep my Eyes open to what was going on around Me... BUT TO NAKEDSWORD, GAYPORNBLOG, JC ADAMS, STARRFUCKER! At any other Events that come up, I will be the usual Funny Guy that loves to talk and hangout with the People.

Mommy Washington(yes my Mother reads my blog)I love ya!!! U were the One that kept me Sane when I was So Mad at Awards....U took Me back to the Hotel and had a Long Sit Down talk with Me about controlling My anger and just letting Go!!! U are My Mother, and I felt like I let ya down...... I brought ya to San Fran expecting to See Ur Son win an Award, and I felt embarrassed and let down that I didn't... But U said U were Proud of Me, and that I tried hard!!! And what was more important that as an African American We need to keep working harder and harder and Use this Setback as a Stepping Stone to Work Harder because Denzel Washington was in the Movie Business for years and years before He won his Oscar... And that is So true!!! I love ya Mom!!! Without Ur support in My Life...I dont know What I would do....Esp since becoming a Porn star...There are many Porn Stars who hide the work that they are doing... And U supported Me so much that U came with Me to the Awards because U Love Me and Support Me. God I LOVE YA MOM!!!!

To Zac(San Fran Bitch boy)Now when I went to the After Party I came with My Boy Zac...most of the Industry was there and didnt know Who I brought to the Party....His name is Zac, he's 5'7 about 130lbs and Italian(He was the one with White Baseball Cap on Who I was holding Hands the Whole Night with)He's 24yr and he doesn't do Porn...Well not yet!! I could see the Look that People had on their Face when they saw Diesel and Zac holding hands and walking around the club... I know How U Gay Boys are and will talk and talk....... He was My Rock!!! He listened to Me Complain and Complain about the Awards, but He insisted that I go to the After Party and Show My face...... At first I didnt want to Go.. But Zac was the One that Said "U should Go, Show ur Face and show some Grace" I kept him Close to My Side because I didnt want to Say anything Stupid at the After Party.... And I enjoy Zac's company.... After the Party We went back to Hotel... I was still Upset about the Awards, Zac says "If Ur still Mad, Take Out Ur Anger on Me, Im here to Support Ya!!!So do What U need to do to get pass this" So I cuddled with Zac and fell asleep.....

Then in the Morning..... I Destroyed His hole over and over and over till the point He had to shove Ice in his Ass to Dull the Pain... Then I continued to Fuck and Fuck him until I pushed my Cock so Deep into His Ass, He started pissing on himself with every Hard pounding Stroke...I guess I was hitting something inside of His Ass causing Him to Piss.... And I didnt Mind that he was pissing on Me and Himself.... after all its a Hotel...they are used to cleaning up some Weird stuff...I hope they dont charge my Credit card for the Pissy Bed(LOL)

To the Fans....Hey We didnt Win this Time, but there will be other Awards right??? Thanks to all the Support emails and comments that Came in(Hundres of Emails) Im starting to realize that Awards dont make the Man...and that I need to keep pushing and pushing because I do have supporters that Care.... And that means alot to me.... In my anger, I forget about the Fans that do Care and Do have My back.. For that I want to Say Thanks!!!

Even Haters that usually send me hate email about retiring and getting out of the business, they still send Hate email.....but the tone has changed alittle.. even the haters seem to think even though they Hate Me, do recogize that I brought something New to the Industry and I was Overlooked.

To Damien Crosse.... my BFF(he was watching the Live Feed of the Awards, rooting for me) He called Me all the way from Spain to give me His support!!! I LOVE YA BRO!!! And all the Kind Words that U told Me, really helped me get over this Crap!!! I miss ya Bro!!! Ur My Right Hand Man, Ur the person that I could really talk to about this Mess and Ur Call helped me out so much!! Miss Ya Bro!!

So there U have it, I came out and Vented and Vented about Bullshitt...... but came back online to Let the Supporters Know that I will not give up this Fight!!!


TO BE HONEST THE REAL REASON WHY I WAS SO UPSET ABOUT THE AWARDS!!! I WANTED TO BE THE FIRST AFRICAN AMERICAN TO CRACK THE GLASS CEILING AT THE AWARDS. NO AFRICAN AMERICAN PERFORMER WON A PERFORMER AWARD THERE YET!!!

THE HALL OF FAME INDUCTED SOME AFRICAN AMERICANS BUT THERE HASNT BEEN AN AFRICAN AMERICAN AWARDED A PERFORMER AWARD SINCE THE START OF THE AWARDS....

Doing History...Yeah Matthew Rush won some awards.... Dred Scott won some awards!!! but no Performer Award has been handed to an African American yet!!! I guess I have to work harder.... I can create all the New Moves I want to but still cant break through that ceiling, I guess I will have to work so Hard this year that there is no denying Me an Award for Next Year!!!

I figured this was going to happen so I have my back up.... Have You People seen Playbook??? Asylum???? Redlight???? those are enough to get me nominated next year!!!
But the Movie I did with Barrett Long and Chi Chi will bring down the House!!!

And I still have more movies that Im keeping Quiet!! Until the time is right!!!! U havent heard the Last of Me....

Now U really Pissed Me Off!!!

UGLY BLOG PART 2

I have accepted My Loss and will try to deal with it Day to Day......

The GayVn's was one of the Worst experiences I faced this year....and not just because I didn't win an Award that was made for me. As I said before, I'm getting worried about the trend I see in Porn nowadays......

Lets start at Awarding Versatile Performers the Title of Best Top, I think that was such a bullshit call.....There is no comparing Topping skills between Myself and Ricky(I love ya Ricky, but U know that too)

Secondly, and this might come as a surprise to People..... I think that M.L. is a slimy Lizard that should crawl under a Rock.....BUT I do have to agree with him, when it comes to the whole Brent Corrigan issue. Yes Diesel and M.L. do agree on something.... Brent used faked documents to get into this Industry. While I don't agree that M.L. should have gotten on stage like that... he has merit in his stance. Brent could have shut down the entire business for being Overly eager to perform.... And I don't think, that he should be rewarded for that and given awards.... I have seen Brent's movies(His own Company line) and they are okay.... but not worthy of some of awards he received... Take for instance the movie Summit, the cameraman in one scene misses the money shot(cum shot)and some of the Camera work is sloppy. And Brent winning Best Bottom..... I don't agree with that at all!!!I don't understand the Judges at the GayVn what were they thinking????????

This also sends out a negative message that U can Con Ur way into the Industry, and in the long run be rewarded for Ur efforts. So Young Twinks can come into this Industry and use Brent Corrigan as their model for success and that's just wrong!!! What are the Judges thinking?????? This is clearly wrong!!!

Another Incident at the GayVn's that I thought was in Poor taste was awarding Leo Giamani web performer of the Year.....I don't understand what the Judges are thinking..... Leo has performed in many Bareback movies.....If it was any other performer, the performer would have to wait 6months to a 1 year to perform with a Major studio because of their bare backing past.... But clearly all U have to be is Hot!! and Say Ur sorry for filming those scenes bareback and everybody will forgive ya!! Not only forgive ya!!! but make ya a Falcon exclusive and Randy Blue exclusive and paste Ur Face everywhere......I don't Understand the Judges this year.... I don't!! Ur sending out confusing messages to the public. Ur basically saying its alright that U did Bareback, he learned his lesson, Now lets make him a Big Star!!! No wonder I didn't get the Cover of "Redlight" it was planned that Falcon was going to sign Leo and Redlight was going to be his spring board In,at my Expense Wow!!!

It was such a confusing Show..... Logan McCree as Performer of the Year???? I like Logan alot!!!!! But I don't know about Performer of Year????? that came as a total surprise!!!

I see the tactic of the GayVn's this Year and it was kinda of Low....they made sure that everybody was nominated for something... but at the same time. Only a selected few won awards and some performers won Multi awards, where was the sharing???? I mean Ricky Sinz won Best Actor, Best Top, Best threesome, Best Oral Damn!!! Shit If I knew this was going to happen!!! I wouldn't have went to the show...Probably many other models wouldn't have came to the show if they wasn't nominated. Sneaky Business!!! I'm sure if other People knew what was going to happen, the only People in attendance would have been Raging Stallion and Dirty Bird pictures!!! Since they were the only Studios that Won awards this year.... there were other awards given to Hot House and Titan but everybody knew those awards were Pity Awards!! Some other Company had to Win something.....Right??

Yeah I know..... the Fans are reading this saying "Diesel Ur running Ur mouth and I guess U wont be working much Nowadays by saying any of this" and U might be right!! But Come On!! I have been in the business for Three years and I can sell movies...I have talent and So what I speak the Truth??? Most Models wont speak about the things that I do....some scared that they wont work again because of it.... I'm not scared!!! If people hate hearing the Truth oh well....... I'm not finger pointing, I'm just stating the Facts.

This Industry is Slowly killing itself, We are running this industry into the ground..... People are getting rewarded for all the wrong reasons.... People Who are busting their asses off, are not getting the respect they deserve. The Industry is sending out the message by supporting, Bare backers, Con Artists, and turning the Industry Inside out...... How can We in one breathe, promote Safe sex, and then reward Bareback models in the same breath. How can we acknowledge Models that brought something New into the Industry and in the same breath, Say" Ur lucky that U were nominated but Ur not going Win an award so be Happy that U were nominated" I don't get it.......

I had a moment when Jack Simmons received his Hall of Fame Award..... He has had a long journey in his time in Porn, when he was on stage he pointed out that Titan and Falcon gave him his shot. But at the same time he said, He is still waiting for the Call from Hot House and Jetset 15 years later.....Ouch!!! I was able to talk to him...and he told Me he was proud of Me..... He opened the door for Performers like me...... but when he opened the Door, Diesel came right behind him and kicked open the door taking the hinges down with it.....I wish I could prove him right....But this latest setback really has me thinking........

I can bring all these things to the table.... but the Industry will still look at Me as an Ethnic Boy!!! Which I heard on stage a few times when the Ethnic Awards were given out!!! I'm a model like everybody else!!!! I wish GayVn would stop subdividing the models into Black and Latin groups.....


I think that Companies can save the DVD, if they were to Use more Diversity in their Films.......its 2009 shouldn't the Porn movies reflect what modern day society looks like.....All different Races and Looks and shapes....

Lower the Cost of a DVD that way U would get more sales from People who actually could afford to buy the porn.

Get better performers....U know those Performers who like to work...like to make good product.. Not Gay4pay or models just doing it for the money... It would make a big change that Fans get to see actual models that enjoy having sex on camera rather then go through the motions!!

I dont know what to say anymore........I wont be blogging until Friday. I need some time to think..... I dont know if I want to keep writing a blog, or to stay in this Industry any longer.....

The GayVn was a Big Smack in the face for me.......

One big reality Check!!

THIS IS GOING TO BE AN UGLY BLOG!!!

Okay call me bitter, jaded even call me insane!!!! But I will spill the beans about everything...... at first I didnt want to talk about certain things....but seeing the trend of the bullshit happening I cant hold anything in any more.....

Im tired of People telling Me to keep up my Head....Keep fighting!!! You the Fans have no Idea what I have been fighting over and over.....

But now u will know:

2006 I signed with Titan.... I was excited to work and show what skills I had!!! I filmed Hitch, Folsom Filth, Cop Shack 2 Crossing the Line........

The last Movie I filmed with Titan was Boiler that was filmed Sept 2006

I was lucky enough to be nominated for Best Newcomer for Gayvn 2007, I didnt win!! That year I sat through the Gayvn's to watch M.L. win every single award that His Company was nominated for.... It was down right annoying..... and yet Fans said Keep Ya head Up U will Win something next year.

Now, the last Movie that I filmed was Sept 2006, Fast Forward to May 2007...thats right I was a Titan Exclusive and I didnt film for 8 months....I sat on the Bench and patiently waited for my time to shine.......

May 2007 I shot my First scene in almost 8 months, that Movie was Telescope and my scene with Steven Pounce..... thats why that scene has all that energy in it...I sat around for about 8months thinking of New positions to Add spark into the scene.

June 2007 I shoot my Next scenes for Titan for the Movie Fear.....CJ Madison, Brodie Newport, Sagat and Dean Flynn.

Sept 2007 I shoot my next scenes for Breakers, Dillon Buck and Victor Banda, a few days later I shoot my second scene for Telescope with Alex Baresi and Rick Van Sant

Nominations for GayVn 2008 I wasnt nominated for anything.......!!!!!!

I was given the opportunity to Speak at the GayVn Porn Summit, I was there to speak about the Lack of Diversity in the Industry. I was also a presenter at GayVn's 2008 Where I had to sit through yet another GayVn where this Time Raging Stallion's was the Big Winner and Won all the awards that it was nominated for!! Another Annoying GayVn

March 2008 Telescope is released....to my Horror, Telescope was to be Diesel Washington's star vehicle movie..... To find Out that Rick Van Sant is the Cover Model Front and Center. I learned about the Cover when I was in San Fran filming Folsom Prison, needless to say I wasnt Happy with Situation.

Grabby nominations are announced I was nominated for Two categories, Best Performer and Hottest Cock.

While at Folsom 2007 I shot Pics for the Folsom Poster that they would be using for Folsom 2008.

April 2008 I shoot with Titan and the Movie is called "Double Standard"

I went to International Mister Leather(IML 2008), where I found out that I was replaced on Poster by Markus Ram...... was this do to the fallout because of Telescope????(Who Knows??)

Grabby's 2008 to My surprise I win Hottest Cock!!! Im Happy but still not satisfied.

At this point of time, My contract ended with Titan April 2008, I did not want to renew my Contract.....but I remained Loyal to Titan and didnt work with any Company until after Sept 2008, I gave titan my word that I wouldnt film with another Company because there was alot of Movies still in the Can that they wanted to promote. Im a Man of my Word, So I stayed a Silent Exclusive for 4months even though my Contract ended in April...

August 2008 I filmed Playbook, a movie that I wrote with Kameron Scott

Sept 2008 I attended Folsom Fair 2008 I performed with Kameron Scott.... the Kameron Scott blog War.

Free agent Oct 2008 - to Present I film 9 scenes with different companies...

Fast forward to now..

Now from April 2006 to Present, I have dealt with all the things above....but at the same time, Some People in the Black Community call me a Sell Out, say I dont have Love for my own race.... I took the Heat for the Kameron Scott blog war.... Took the Heat for M.L. blog war....Comments about Eric Rhodes...

At the same time having to move out of my place in New York..... deal with failed relationships.... Passing of my Grandmother. Money Issues and just live in my Own skin...

But to come to GayVn 2009 and bring my mother expecting to Win the Award that I was built for BEST TOP

And be told that even though I created several Sex positioins.... worked my Ass off, Wrote scenes that I didnt even get writers credit for...Double Standard, Playbook. Open my heart and soul on this blog..... and to Lose the Award to a Versatile performer..... IS THE LAST STRAW!!!!

This time around I involved my Mother.........I was hurt and beat up!!!

FUCK BEING NOMINATED!!! THAT WAS A GIVEN!!! What other Top in this business is creating sex positions for the camera and the fans!!! WHO ELSE BESIDES ME?????

CALL ME JADED CALL ME A CRY BABY!!!

But this time around I cant Hold Up my Head....Im getting tired of being smacked around!!! I FOUGHT AND FOUGHT THIS BATTLE FOR THREE YEARS!!!

Finally GayVn comes up with an Award that has my name on it....... And they give the Award to a Versatile performer!!!!!

IM SHOCKED AND AMAZED!!!!!!

THIS WAS A COLOR ISSUE!!!

And the Color was Money Green!!

LETS SEE THESWORD RUN THIS STORY!!!!!

GAYVN AWARDS: PART TWO

Not winning Best Top was crushing............ I thought there was hope in Winning Best Sex scene (Duo) with Steven Pounce for Telescope.........

Again......lost out to Logan McCree and Vinnie D'Angelo for Drifter.... Crushing....


But this time it was Steven Pounce that was hurting........... Steven was never nominated for an Award before. So he was excited to Come to the GayVn's and see if he could Win something....

During a performance, I became very Angry and had to step out of the theater to regain my Composure I was becoming alittle Sick at this point.....there I ran into Steven outside of Castro Theater.... He had the same look on his Face that I had......
We didn't say a word to each other...... he felt like I felt...

He put his body on the line for that film..... and gave his all for that performance. But It was Raging Stallion's night!!!!

If U were an Independent model(free agent)U were not getting any award that night....... it was evident that U had to belong to a studio to Win anything...... The only model to Win so meting that wasn't an Exclusive or Studio head was Trevor Knight!!

The reason why I'm writing about this is because I'm tired of this Industry....... I probably wont get any work because of the Blogs that I write..... but its fine.

I lost all faith in this Dirty Business.....I'm sorry that I had to bring my Mom to this mess........ I wasted her time, coming to see Diesel on stage winning something.....when there was nothing to win.

I don't understand I give every bit of energy I have for all movies..... to find out that U don't win is just a fucked up feeling....

GAYVN AWARDS SHOW: THE WORST EXPERIENCE EVER!!!

I will be honest and pull no punches:

I sat in the Castro theater, listening to each award being handed out!!! And I grew more and more uncomfortable as the night went on.......

I want to go on record and Say "To the Last Man" was a great movie....I watched it many many times..... and it deserved every award!!!

But there were some Awards that I didn't agree with at all...........

RICKY SINZ U know I love ya man!!!!And I have no harsh words at all for ya!!!

BUT U WINNING BEST TOP OVER ME?????? WOW I DID NT SEE THAT COMING......

Ur the Best Actor, hands down U were great in "To the Last Man" and I was shocked to see how good of an Actor U are!!!

To the Judges of the GAYVN Here is Ur Best Top RICKY SINZ!!!!



Ricky U are the Man.... and I know U work hard in every scene that U are in..... Without question U are a great performer....U bring so many things to the game and Industry... I'm honored that U call me Ur friend......THIS ISN'T A CHEAP SHOT!!! In no way.....am I being mean or fucked up I'm just telling it like it is...

THIS WAS A CHEAP SHOT AT THE JUDGES...... I don't understand?????????Each person that was nominated for Best Top, I went and did a background check on each performer..... Of the list of performers that were nominated only Two were Total Tops that never bottomed in a Movie ever!!! I don't know what the JUDGES WERE THINKING???????

Was the Best Top judged on Popularity???? Was it Judged by Skill, difficulty, of the scene each performer was in?????? So that means that Versatile performers..... Can be nominated as Best Tops, Best Versatile and Best Bottom????. I don't think that is fair...... I knew this was going to happen. So Total Tops performers don't stand a chance..... I cant compete with that....I'm not a bottom or Versatile performer... So the Only category that I can be nominated for is the Best Top performer and I cant even win that.......

Last year in Telescope I created the "Bully" a new Sex position that Nobody saw and it was the first of its kind ever filmed...... In Folsom Prison, My revenge Fuck was the hardest Fuck caught on film for the Year!!! And to prove that I'm not only a Power Top that can Fuck hard......I do Double Standard, and show the Fans that I can Power fuck yes... but I can also be Passionate and Sweet(I won the Hard Choice award for Most Passionate Sex Scene)so I thought I showed I can be well rounded. I'm still in a state of shock about Losing Best Top!!!

What made matters worse, was that every person I ran into after the show at the after party, came up to me saying "U were robbed" "Wow I cant believe U didnt Win that award" Barrett Long my Friend and Co nominee came to me and said " I was rooting for ya Man, I thought U had that Award in the Bag"

Even writing this Blog is hard, I didn't want to write it........

I have no Faith in this Industry at the moment.....I thought Hard Work, being creative, and working on Ur craft, night and night was the key to success. I was wrong, its all about Who U know? or How much???

I cant write anymore I feel sick

GAYVN WEEKEND: THE REAL STORY!!

I get to San Fran and take the train into the city(yes the Train!!)I get over to my hotel(the Opal)and check in, I was staying with Mommy Washington and Her Bf, it was a large suite. After checking my bags into the room, it was time to get the show on the road.

There were a Ton of Tailgate parties going on in Castro, and I wanted to be in the middle of everything.... I headed over to Steven Cruz's event at a clothing store and showed my support...From there it was Over to the Q bar for the Falcon Party... From there it was over to Moby Dick to see Barrett Long and enjoy the Fun...

So many People were out in Castro and things were Fun until I ran into an Insider.... Who told Me Honestly and Directly "Diesel, I voted for Ya, I did!!! But U will not be winning anything this year!!! This decision came from the higher Ups" I was floored!!!! Right then and there my night was ruined!!!!!

I was angry, disappointed and just shocked!!!! I couldn't say anything, the awards were the next day...... the rest of the evening I was quiet and I felt like shit and trash.....

After I found out that I wasn't going to win anything.....I totally shut down!!!

I didn't attend the TheNaked Sword brunch........... I was suppose to bring my Mother. But I had enough, I wasn't sharing anything with this Industry again. I worked too too hard to walk away with nothing.....

I refused Interviews...... I didn't want to go out in public..... and I wasn't going to attend the Awards show... THIS INDUSTRY MADE ME SICK!!! I was done with it!!!!

My Ego was killed(fuck hurt)and I couldn't recover.

Mommy Washington, sat me down and told me that I needed to go to the show.....even though I wasn't going to win anything.....I needed to show up for the Fans!!! U have a responsibility, U may feel like shit now but Ur Fans need ya to show up.. So I went to the show....

IT WAS THE MOST DISGUSTING SHOW THAT I HAD TO SIT THROUGH........

more in Next post

GAYVN WEEKEND WAS A NIGHTMARE!!!! DISGUSTING!!!

Okay I want to start off showing Pics because everybody comes here for the Pictures so enjoy I will speak about the Gayvn Awards in next post!!!